They said..."You're doing it again...!! Forget it...We don't wanna talk..". "But I'm not!!!...its just that I'm eating...(Its been a tough day...)...."
And then there was silence. The phone had gone off.. and the words echoed in my ears..
Do I really become someone else? Do I change?
Brain: No u dont...U try too hard and overdo it.
Heart: Overdo what?? Either I do it or I don't....where does overdo come from ..?
Brain: Thats your problem..You're not even willing to listen
Heart: I listen....I always listen...I've always been listening!
Brain: Thats what u've done to urself...
Heart: What? What..."Pray tell..."
Brain: Nothing...just forget it....
Heart: Forget what??
Brain: You'll not understand....U can't ever understand.You know what your problem is...you take everything upon u...anything that goes wrong...u think its because of u.....
Heart: It is....I did it again....I become someone else....!
Brain: You try too hard...maybe if u just let go of urself u'd be more u!!
Heart: Doesn't work...I am a no gooder...
Brain: U are...thats why u are what u are....U wouldn't be where u are if u were a no gooder...
Heart: Professionally maybe....personally, I am nothing but a dissapointment...
Brain: It'll be ok....You'll get there....keep at it..& quit pretending!
Heart: What do i do?? What do i do?? I wanna run away....
Brain: As if....
Heart: What??
Brain: As if thats a solution....
Heart: No its not!
Brain: There u go..
Heart: Patience...I wish they'd be more patient with me....I am not a bad person....I want them to be happy.....All I do is end up adding to their misery Can't live up to the expectations...
Brain: And Why....ever thought? Maybe u try too hard....maybe u are scared of something...
Heart: Failing!
Brain: You'll ensure it if u continue ur ways...
Heart: What do i do? What do i do??
Today has been a bad day...whatever I've done...said has backfired on me...I wouldn't wanna go in the details but it has all gone horrible wrong. Has been one of the worst days...& thinking that yesterday I was the happiest I've been in a long time....Life does pull u down...REAL HARD when it decides too...and u can't do anything but freefall and hope that when you hit the rock bottom, you don't get hurt. You know you'll have to climb again....and you know you'd fall again...and again and again!
The fall is much worse if u end up feeling that you were at fault.....or maybe if you are made to believe that you were at fault. Its much worse if you've been trying hard....Its much worse if you think you're climbing well...Its much worse if you can't break it...try as u might!
At such times i am reminded of something which my grandma once told me once when I came back almost in tears coz others would tease me that I'm too fat....I'd always try hard to fit it...participate in races, come last (be made fun of) and not tell anyone at home..Ignore all the hurtful (nicknames ranging from "hathi" to "sumo" to"fatso") that you'd get..
She said...
"You are what you are...be proud of it...you don't have to fit in...be what you want to be...let the world follow u..."
I ignored her...and i have been ignoring her...trying to be Tanuj Kapoor who others want to see.....and in amongst all this I think I've lost the real me...I don't recognize him anymore...Was he talkative or was he quiet? Was he fun loving or was he serious? Did he make fun of others or did he join in when somebody was being made fun of? Did he like being laughed at or did he detest it....? Where is me?? Who am I? Who have I become....
All I ever did was....Try and fit in....All I try to do now is...try to fit in....I wanna break free....do what I wanna do...not let them complain...not let them troubled coz of me...cos this is what I am...I wish i had listened to u dadima..I wish I would listen to u now....but I can't promise...I wouldn't dare to do that...for the fear that I wouldn't "fit in"...
This one is for me....I think Ciara was thinking of me when she wrote this.....
Everyone Wants To Be Like The Other
Look Around And You Will Discover
Take A Chance And Try Something Different
Don't Be Scared You Might Make A Difference
Some People Might Call You Crazy
And They May Laugh At You And Says You A Fool
But You Cant Care If They Say Cause
Before You Know It They'll Be Following You
Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da [x3]
Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
If U Want Some Come Get Some
You Don't Want None Come Get Some
Say Iche Me Son
Itche Me Son
Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
Try So Hard To Copy My Style
Take A Lesson Ill Show You How
But Why Not Try To Do Something Different
Take A Chance You Might Make A Difference
Some People Might Call You Crazy
And They May Laugh At You And Says You A Fool
But You Cant Care If They Say Cause
Before You Know It They'll Be Following You
Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da [x3]
Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
If U Want Some Come Get Some
You Don't Want None Come Get Some
Say Itche Me Son
Itche Me Son
Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
[Talking:]
Now This Ones For Everybody Thats Right
I Need For You To Try Something Different
Now You Can Move Move How You Want It
And You Can Do Do What You Wanted
Thats Right I Said It
Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
If U Want Some Come Get Some
You Don't Want None Come Get Some
Say Itche Me Son
Itche Me Son
Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
Some People Might Call You Crazy
And They May Laugh At You And Says You A Fool
But You Cant Care If They Say Cause
Before You Know It They'll Be Following You
Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da [x3]
Thats Right I'm Done
Itche Me Son
Itche Me Son
Do [x14]
Itche Me Son
Do [x14]
Itche Me Son
And then there was silence. The phone had gone off.. and the words echoed in my ears..
Do I really become someone else? Do I change?
Brain: No u dont...U try too hard and overdo it.
Heart: Overdo what?? Either I do it or I don't....where does overdo come from ..?
Brain: Thats your problem..You're not even willing to listen
Heart: I listen....I always listen...I've always been listening!
Brain: Thats what u've done to urself...
Heart: What? What..."Pray tell..."
Brain: Nothing...just forget it....
Heart: Forget what??
Brain: You'll not understand....U can't ever understand.You know what your problem is...you take everything upon u...anything that goes wrong...u think its because of u.....
Heart: It is....I did it again....I become someone else....!
Brain: You try too hard...maybe if u just let go of urself u'd be more u!!
Heart: Doesn't work...I am a no gooder...
Brain: U are...thats why u are what u are....U wouldn't be where u are if u were a no gooder...
Heart: Professionally maybe....personally, I am nothing but a dissapointment...
Brain: It'll be ok....You'll get there....keep at it..& quit pretending!
Heart: What do i do?? What do i do?? I wanna run away....
Brain: As if....
Heart: What??
Brain: As if thats a solution....
Heart: No its not!
Brain: There u go..
Heart: Patience...I wish they'd be more patient with me....I am not a bad person....I want them to be happy.....All I do is end up adding to their misery Can't live up to the expectations...
Brain: And Why....ever thought? Maybe u try too hard....maybe u are scared of something...
Heart: Failing!
Brain: You'll ensure it if u continue ur ways...
Heart: What do i do? What do i do??
Today has been a bad day...whatever I've done...said has backfired on me...I wouldn't wanna go in the details but it has all gone horrible wrong. Has been one of the worst days...& thinking that yesterday I was the happiest I've been in a long time....Life does pull u down...REAL HARD when it decides too...and u can't do anything but freefall and hope that when you hit the rock bottom, you don't get hurt. You know you'll have to climb again....and you know you'd fall again...and again and again!
The fall is much worse if u end up feeling that you were at fault.....or maybe if you are made to believe that you were at fault. Its much worse if you've been trying hard....Its much worse if you think you're climbing well...Its much worse if you can't break it...try as u might!
At such times i am reminded of something which my grandma once told me once when I came back almost in tears coz others would tease me that I'm too fat....I'd always try hard to fit it...participate in races, come last (be made fun of) and not tell anyone at home..Ignore all the hurtful (nicknames ranging from "hathi" to "sumo" to"fatso") that you'd get..
She said...
"You are what you are...be proud of it...you don't have to fit in...be what you want to be...let the world follow u..."
I ignored her...and i have been ignoring her...trying to be Tanuj Kapoor who others want to see.....and in amongst all this I think I've lost the real me...I don't recognize him anymore...Was he talkative or was he quiet? Was he fun loving or was he serious? Did he make fun of others or did he join in when somebody was being made fun of? Did he like being laughed at or did he detest it....? Where is me?? Who am I? Who have I become....
All I ever did was....Try and fit in....All I try to do now is...try to fit in....I wanna break free....do what I wanna do...not let them complain...not let them troubled coz of me...cos this is what I am...I wish i had listened to u dadima..I wish I would listen to u now....but I can't promise...I wouldn't dare to do that...for the fear that I wouldn't "fit in"...
This one is for me....I think Ciara was thinking of me when she wrote this.....
Everyone Wants To Be Like The Other
Look Around And You Will Discover
Take A Chance And Try Something Different
Don't Be Scared You Might Make A Difference
Some People Might Call You Crazy
And They May Laugh At You And Says You A Fool
But You Cant Care If They Say Cause
Before You Know It They'll Be Following You
Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da [x3]
Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
If U Want Some Come Get Some
You Don't Want None Come Get Some
Say Iche Me Son
Itche Me Son
Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
Try So Hard To Copy My Style
Take A Lesson Ill Show You How
But Why Not Try To Do Something Different
Take A Chance You Might Make A Difference
Some People Might Call You Crazy
And They May Laugh At You And Says You A Fool
But You Cant Care If They Say Cause
Before You Know It They'll Be Following You
Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da [x3]
Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
If U Want Some Come Get Some
You Don't Want None Come Get Some
Say Itche Me Son
Itche Me Son
Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
[Talking:]
Now This Ones For Everybody Thats Right
I Need For You To Try Something Different
Now You Can Move Move How You Want It
And You Can Do Do What You Wanted
Thats Right I Said It
Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
If U Want Some Come Get Some
You Don't Want None Come Get Some
Say Itche Me Son
Itche Me Son
Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
Some People Might Call You Crazy
And They May Laugh At You And Says You A Fool
But You Cant Care If They Say Cause
Before You Know It They'll Be Following You
Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da [x3]
Thats Right I'm Done
Itche Me Son
Itche Me Son
Do [x14]
Itche Me Son
Do [x14]
Itche Me Son
Pause:
(DON'T HAVE THE SONG ON mp3...i WISH I DID)
I KNOW IT CAN'T BE HEARD...BUT I AM SORRY THAT I DISSAPOINT...BUT I TRY HARD...I WILL CHANGE. BE PATIENT AND TELL ME THAT I AM TRYING TOo HARD AND I DONT NEED TO DO IT...PLEASE BE PATIENT
(DON'T HAVE THE SONG ON mp3...i WISH I DID)
I KNOW IT CAN'T BE HEARD...BUT I AM SORRY THAT I DISSAPOINT...BUT I TRY HARD...I WILL CHANGE. BE PATIENT AND TELL ME THAT I AM TRYING TOo HARD AND I DONT NEED TO DO IT...PLEASE BE PATIENT
14 comments:
hey!! buddy....... its actually important to believe in oneself.... to accept one for all the faults and strengths dat we possess..... it never pays to mould oneself according to what others want us to be.... went through a similar phase... remember throwing a tantrum.... and then i fought... to be myself... and today i am what i am... take it or leave it!!
been trying to impart this and some self belief in a friend of mine... wish me luck!! :)
u knw wt? ur brain is tellin u xactly wt i tell u evry time u think ur rong... y is it only u? y nt us? y does we boil dwn 2 "me", n us boil dwn 2 "i"? m i nt human 2? r we nt in ds 2gethr?
it isnt ur fault alone, tanuj... u knw iv made mr dn my fair share f mistks as well... bt i knw tat i cn correct dm... i knw we cn correct dm...
oh sanam, mohabbat ki kasam is playin in d backgrnd as i sit hr @ ds cafe... u tell me... fate or coincidence?
i luv u... n tat isnt gona chnge no mattr wt i say or do - or wt we say or do 4 tat mattr... n its d same 4 ne1 n every1 hu knws u...
u tell me hu mattrs? ds ppl u meet 4 mayb 3-4 hrs at a stretch in a day n u come bk home n cnt evn remembr dr faces, or us hu uve knwn ur entire life n wd do nethin 2 c u happy...
cummon tanuj... we all knw hw hard u try... iv seen hw hard u try... n i tell u tat ur doing a gud job... i tell u nt 2 push 2 hard... ur perfect d way u r... n i wudnt change a thing... so smile... m always hr... env if u dnt c me... :)
m being v v honest wen i say ure sombdy i look upto n really respect! dnt u think ure good enuff that ppl shud b trying to fit in ur definition of good....m sure there are ppl who are already doing dat...y do u have to do d same as well??
wen u are capable of being a leader then y b a follower??n u better not doubt dat!
n dats d reason u shud not want to change fo other ppl!being flexible is ok...infact good...solves a lot...but wen it comes to pushin ur limits then it is just not ok...will nevr giv u happiness of a lifetime but only questions n doubts as to was it worth wastin one precious life??
not at all!
ppl who really love u...love u coz of who u are n not wat they can mould u into!
just b urself...ure ber of being this way!
n all of us love n respect u a lot!
n now u gotta just b urself n live upto b wat we dream of being one day!:)
hugs
gunjan!
u know what tanuj, im not gonna tell u that i know u and that i can get what ure feelin
but this is what i'll say whatever lil i know of u i believe u know what u are and that ure good at bein tanuj... u know why?...its coz u don't have to try to be tanuj
so do just that, dont try to be anything and that ways u become what u always were on the inside ... u
im sure the ppl who know u want u to be u
and the ppl who dont wud want to know u
so no worries buddy...smile :)
cheers
vandita
oh PS: u said u dont have the mp3 for that song...i'm mailin u just that
hey... dont be so down. we all have these moments where we r lost... not sure who we are... trying to fit in. Its ok... happens.
@ Sumit...
Thanks for reading and commenting!!I know it is absolutely a necessity to beleive in oneself. But one does go through these bouts of self doubt....I have very few of them..Trust me!all the luck in the world with ur friend.
@ Everyone knows who you are...
Ur the best..and u know that coz I've been telling this to u for a long long time now. Mistakes happen but what about sub conciously doing the wrong irrespective of knowing that u are doing wrong? Do u believe in luck...I neverr did until u came along and I'm glad that we go through all that we end up going through and still emerge better.
@gunj
Oye puttar...u "look upto" kya hota hai...?? Tu itni bhi choti nahi hai height mein!! Its self doubt re...and I know I have been trying to fit in...u know make everyone happy. Its almost my second nature now...but it does get a lil frustrating! Thanks for all the words of encouragement...had a bigg smile after reading ur comment.
@Vands
Thankoooo for the song...U gotta tell me where did u get it from?And thanks a ton for the vote of confidence....makes me feel rilllyyyy happy:D
@ buls
Ur backkk!!! How was all the traveling and all...where all have u been? Tell me tell me....and I got news for u too!!
ah!! tanuj.. if u only knew who dat frnd ws... u might laugh ur heart out!!
btw, u knw indranil ain guess from ur batch at IMT?? was my classmate at school!!
oh ure callin me vands too now :)
lovely now me is smilin and clappin like a kid....mez likes this ! :D
waise kya tanuj ure tellin me to reveal my trade secret...where did i get the song...hehe got it from limewire and i have this aadat of not letting go when it comes to music....u temme a song i willl find it
so u can also keep the list comin, i'll be happy to find stuff for u and add to my collection as well
and abt the vote of confidence...i meant what i said, am glad u smiled
tc
vands
hey... luck??? luck may hv been a miniscule element... it wsnt jst luck, sweets... determination played a part too, u knw... :P and d whole thing abt mistakes being made subconsciously is tat ur unaware of it... so stop beatin urself up abt it... luv ya loads...hugs...
oi...hello ji...mubarkan...:D
m so happy fo u guys n smehw i feel this is d best place to congratulate u!:)
Seems like a late comer for commenting but at the end i want to say just one thing...
hey its a really good compilation... and i am linking your blog with mine... u cant deny that...
Lets make it a beginning of friendship... to complete the formality !! :-D
awesome pic there!!:)
n u gotta reply to d comments yar!!
whennnnn am i gonna read a new post???
tanuj write soon na
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