Now is NOT forever

The Time's NOW...

2009-10-20T00:38:00.007+05:30

I've been mulling writing for a long time but I always come up with an excuse of being too busy and not having the TIME....

In one such moment (when i was pretending to be not having the time) I came across a poem by a young 13 year old named Todd.....(Read it online). Time suddenly seemed to make a lot of sense....

Here's the poem..

It flies by us, when we're having fun.
It makes the moon rise, and lowers the radiant sun.
It wrinkles a young face, with old age.
It breaks a teenager's bond's, from the motherly cage.
It beats a mountain, until it falls.
It births a child, whenever life calls.
It changes the verses, while you're reading this rhyme.
How this all happens, you will know, with time.

Thanks Todd...(whoever you are!!!) The thing is.... Time never seizes to amaze. One look at the clock and you realize how fast it slips by. I sat looking at the clock for a minute and suddenly realized that I had lost a minute of my life.....!! "O my god.. Time's slipping me by...".

But then you do realize its not about seizing the moment but about living them.. living them the way you want to live. A moth lives for a night but it lives to the fullest....trying to reach out to the love of its life...the light! The butterfly counts not months but moments....and still has enough time to live for what it loves..the nectar! The birds fly in free sky to wherever they wish, the fish swim through waters and leap out in glee..... all of them do what they really love to do!

Why do we as humans always try to fight time? Why do we always end up thinking that we don't have enough of it...? Why do we tend to hold it so precious that we forget to live in it....? .And yet we keep loosing it!!

The Hungarian Horntail did say..."It's a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up."

Whats the money you've earned worth if you don't have the time to spend it with the people you love? The money will buy u a house, but the time will buy you happiness.. Its what you choose to do that matters!

A friend was unwell of late and was in the hospital (get well soon!) and I could not make time to go visit.. Yeah, now you know why I got into this tizzy of thinking about time ! Here's what I am promising myself.... I'm gonna live by the moment and not my the calendar. I'm gonna rule my time and not let it rule me....

Living the moment...the TIME's just about right to stop this blabber ant hit the sack ;)! Till the next time...Now's not forever!

Here we go again.....

2009-06-10T23:12:00.005+05:30

Its tough to understand why we do what we do. Why is it that something that you can't have seems all the more appealing while something that you don't want comes your way and try as you might...it just wouldn't go away!! Why do somethings never get right...try as you might!And the biggest question of them all.... Why do I seem to put on weight whenever I put in efforts to lose it!!??

Life's taken me a full circle..it seems yesterday once more! Or is it? I've lost a lot more hair for one....They say that you get wiser as your hair turns gray......I think God's decided that I can't get wise...Coz by the time its time for my hair to go gray, I don't think I'll have any left. Oh well, this is all rambling....stuff you write when you don't have anything else to do....

Which reminds me...this is exactly what the jurnos today seem to be doin! God do I hate to see the news when they try and put it across stating that "Your channel was the first to break the news....!"Uhh... excuse me, my channel?? When did I buy you guys....? How can news be complete without cricket? So if Dhoni had a fight with Sehwag, it'll be flashed as the "Breaking News"! Everything is a "Breaking News!!" ... and I won't even get to the Hindi news channels! Ahh... and how can we forget the slick animations and the music that'll easily make it to top the charts in any thriller....I miss the good old days... when news was news and it was told the way it is supposed to be told. Today's media...especially TV has become highly irresponsible. For a few dollar's more they're willing to put the life of millions at stake....for sensationalizing the news, they're willing to stoop to any levels! God save the country where the media's doing what the police needs to do....! Often the stories are unsupported am unauthenticated but shown anyway.

Media Glare these days can Dwarf any simple looking News to become a Sensational Breaking News... & the news just fizzles out the moment the juicy part of the story gets exhausted... Remember the Goa murder case of the teenage foreign girl or the Aarushi murder case..... Where are they heading for...? The Sensational media coverage after bombarding our homes has suddenly found it fit to be dumped into oblivion....Where is the responsible journalism? The recent coverage of the DeraSachkhand and sikh violence was appalling. All the news channels were scrambling to show the "live" visuals of the tension....If a commoner like me can realize that it might enrage even more people, why can't the wise old men in the industry or the politicians see this? The Australia attacks...The responsible media would try and bring calm to the already simmering situation by trying to bridge the divide... but here we have our media up in arms against Australia as though the entire country is racist and the indian students in Australia should fight back....Retaliate is what they did...didn't they? Its scary to even think of the repercussions...

With great powers come great responsibility...The media has the great power of reaching to all.....I hope the media realizes this and wakes up to its responsibilities!!

Choices choices!

2008-05-19T08:20:00.004+05:30

1) LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATRE?
Iron Man...

2) WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
None...( that sounds bad....doesn't it??)

3) FAVOURITE BOARD GAME?
The Amazing Labarynth ....(loved that game as kid!)

4) FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?
hmmm..I like going through the India Today.

5) FAVOURITE SMELLS?
Jasmines, freshly baked cake and Be Delicious by DKNY

6) FAVOURITE SOUNDS?
Hearing Mann's voice first thing in the morning.

7) WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
Right after having a fight with sunshine.

8) WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?
Do I have to get up?

9) FAVOURITE FASTFOOD PLACE?
Mc D's all the way...

10) FUTURE CHILDS NAME?
Loll....socho socho!!

11) FINISH THIS STATEMENT - 'IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'D
buy a house formyself...:D

12) DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
Never...well I do if I get angry while driving:D

13) DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Nope....too old for that

14) STORMS - COOL OR SCARY?
Cool....atleast all that i've seen

15) WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
My wine red alto !

16) FAVOURITE DRINK?
A can of coke anyday!!

17) FINISH THIS STATEMENT- 'IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD
sleep all day long:P

18) DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
Sure....the yummiest part:)

19) IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR WITH ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
I dont think i'd ever dye it:)

20) NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN?
Too little space....too many cities...!

21) FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Formula One, Cricket!

22) ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
The best there ever cud be....!!

23) WHATS UNDER YOUR BED?
all my shoes...

24) WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?
Yep....:)

25) MORNING PERSON OR NIGHT OWL?
neither:D

26) OVER EASY OR SUNNY SIDE UP?
Sunny side up

27) FAVOURITE PLACE TO RELAX?
On my bed!

28) FAVOURITE PIE?
Apple Pie...with Vannila Ice cream

29) FAVOURITE ICECREAM FLAVOUR?
Anything fruity:)

30) OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE TAGGED, WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
Not tagging anyone :)

Eight

2008-05-19T08:02:00.003+05:30

8 things I am passionate about...

1. Mann

2. My work

3. Good Food

4. Family

5. My Car

6. Movies & Music

7. My N70

8. Mann (put here intenstionally)

8 things I want to do before I die...
1. Start my own restaurant.

2. Own a bose home theatre.

3. Buy a house in Goa.

4. Travel the world.

5. Discover a mummy in Egypt by accident.

6. Hit a gym!!

7. Sponsor/adopt a child.

8. Watch a Formula One race.

8 things I say often...

I don't say a lot...........do I???

8 movies that I have loved watching
1. Casino royale

2. Iron Man

3. Hera Pheri

4. Just Married

5. Bruce Almighty

6. Meet the Parents

7. Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander

8. Lage Raho Munna Bhai

8 songs I could listen to over and over again...
1. When you say nothing at all - Ronan Keating

2. Nothing else matters - Metallica

3. In the end - Linkin Park

4. Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's

5. Susanna - Art Company

6. TOp of the World - Carpenters

7. Aa chal ke tujhe - Kishore Kumar

8. Alvida - Liefe in a Metro

Lessons in management!

2008-03-15T15:49:00.005+05:30

Got this one as an E- mail.....had to put it here :)

Lesson1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on he ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 4

A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bulls**t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...

Lesson 5

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground nto a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who s**ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of s**t is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep s**t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Lift me up.....

2008-02-12T01:04:00.000+05:30

It often happens with me….I write the best when I am the saddest. Well…I guess today is gonna be a real good …or I hope not!

Point in question….what does one mean when he says ‘he cares’? Does he show it to make it evident or does the care come from the heart? Why is it essential to be demonstrative? Why can’t you be discrete yet prove that you care? Why is there just a one right way to do a thing? Why isn’t just wanting to do the right worthy of the care you possess?

People are better at it and I am not….there is chaos around…do I care? There is heartburn….do I care? There is repentance…do I care? There is mistrust….do I care? There are tears….do I care? There is love….do I care?

Love….more than a 4 letter word…its an emotional roller coaster. I never proclaimed to have understood all or any emotions associated with it….I think I never will!!….And then they say when you’re in love everything comes naturally to you….is that generalizing? Does everything come that naturally? Walking comes naturally to humans…but u fall so many times before you perfect it….Speaking comes naturally to us…..but u fumble and falter until u can pronounce the words correctly…..

The intention to do it better is often misconstrued to be an effort to do it better. And once that happens, the vicious circle starts…

I wish I had it right all the time….I wish I could show I care. I wish my intentions weren’t mistaken to be efforts. I wish my actions didn’t end up raising questions about my priorities. I wish my deeds were answers to questions that mind throws around. I wish righteousness converged with my decision making as well. I wish my silences could be heard. I wish my heart could be bared to show that it had no space for any secrets. I wish my want to do things the right way wasn’t thought of as actions under force.

I wish I could do more, be more, say more…..

Questions questions….Wishes wishes…..loads of them…I guess I’ll never find the answers or have my wishes come true…...I climb into my bed each day thinking…have I made it better in any way…and more often than not the answer come…"Not half as well as you could have done.” If questioning oneself is being perfect, then the word perfect itself doesn’t hold valid.

Kiteflying…..I don’t know why I am reminded of it….You keep letting the string go so that your kite can soar higher….and look mightier than everyone else’s!!!…..As long as the string you have is long enough, the kite will soar….You let go of a lil bit of the string and it goes higher…Coz if the string isn’t long enough, the kite will feel restricted and soon enough fly off ….string and all ….and then there’d be someone there to catch the kite and add more string to it so that it can fly higher and mightier still….

We tend to complicate thing…..we tend not to think through at times….Its all about happiness….Its all about what others do for you when you have that tear in your eye…..Its all about being there when you most need it!! Love shall prevail…..if you want it to….

Robbie Williams; it seems realized it much sooner...

Send someone to love me

I need to rest in arms

Keep me safe from harm

In pouring rain

Give me endless summer

Lord I fear the cold

Feel I'm getting old

Before my time

As my soul heals the shame

I will grow through this pain

Lord I'm doing all I can

To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience

'Cause it's not my fault

I know I've been taught

To take the blame

Rest assured my angels

Will catch my tears

Walk me out of here

I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame

I will grow through this pain

Lord I'm doing all I can

To be a better man

Me in the Wonderland

2007-11-17T23:11:00.000+05:30

Tanuj came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" he asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Tanuj answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter!! Does it??"

Thats what I'd gotten myself into as well. I was living....not knowing how, not knowing why....just living. Until things changed and changed for the better....Realizations come to me...slower than they do to others!! I had an answer for the Cheshire Cat.....I wanna go on the road which would take me to love, to freedom and to learning....thats what I want from life.

The Cat showed me the way.....I have love which I cherish, I have freedom which I take for granted and I have learnings which I crib about.....

Love...what does it do to you? How long has it been since someone touched part of you other than your body? Its what has gotten me to where I am and those who are responsible for it know it as they read. I have been lucky, I turned my face away from love refusing to believe its very existence. It never went away. It stayed there till I looked back and from then on, its been with me through thick and through thin...!! One needs to learn to respect love... It makes the journey of life worthwhile. Its given me a purpose for sure....I teaches you to dream, to imagine, to plan....It inspires you to slog, to sweat, to succeed....It is the triumph of imagination over intelligence!! ....believe and enjoy it....:)

Freedom...Often taken for granted...Its an blessing, to each one of us. For me, its a chance to be better...Its my right to live the way I wish to. It is the reason why I am happy. Its what allows me to make mistakes and yet come up stronger..It gives me the ability to do what I want, to be what I am, to go where I want to- enjoy the trees, the sea,the mountains, the smell of rain on earth.., to read or hear what I wish, to eat what I want to. Freedom is also the ability to choose wrongly & irresponsible.
We are extremely lucky to have been born in a country as free as India. Its sad that a lot of us have chosen rather irresponsibly at times. With great power come great responsibilities. Freedom is our power. We can use this power either to be Hyde or Jekyll..

Learning....Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet...what do you wanna do? No matter where I go or what I do, I'll always live my entire life within the confines of my head. And I want my head to be as huge as possible. the learning never stops. Each day brings with it something new.... and to learn the new we must look at the yesterday as well. If I stop learning, I'll stop growing and if I stop growing, I stop living!! Be it books, movies, the TV, my boss, the office politics...it brings with it learning and if you don't learn fast enough, you're in danger of becoming extinct. And thats something I'm certainly not willing to do....

Getting back to the Cat..... Here's wht else he said...."Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do."

Nowz not for ever....but live now to the fullest:)

P.s- I don't know why I am writing this.....Saw OSO today....a decent flick...here's a quote from the movie which made me think...."kehte hai ki filmon ki tarah hamari zindagi mein bhi end tak sab theek hee ho jaata hai..happys endings...aur agar theek naa ho toh woh the end nahi, picture abhi baaki hai mere dost..." True...isn't it?? Wish loadsss of happiness to all of ya...:)

Slacker Blogger

2007-07-15T23:17:00.000+05:30

"I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store;

For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial's hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have paid."

I love the last line in there......any wage i had asked of life ...life would have paid. I often find myself here and complaining of life...my work, my lack of work, my privacy, my friends, the traffic, the food....everything!! You get what u throw at life....if its complaints, life creates more and more reasons for u to complain.......U get what u sow!!!

I had nothing special to write in a long time, no personal memorable incidents, no excitement, nothing... seemed as though life had come to a standstill or rather had come to be a monotony...... Damn, this corporate world... The only happy moments left in the day was the 1 hr i got with mann every night......... and then I realised that there was nothing but me stopping myself from believin that the life is a memorable journey, full of excitement....I just have to change my outlook. I just have to throw things which'll make me happy at life and i'll get more happiness....!!

Ok...enough of gyaan....abhi abt me...the weekend was a rather non vegy weekend....Well yeah u read it right...non vegy... (Not that non vegy ....I am one of you guys... i know u think alike....!!!) The real non vegy...As in the food....yeah...If u are a regular reader here u would know that i am the happiest talking abt only 2 things....food being one of them and the other everyone knows...(*blushes*). Ok so the non vegy weekend...I had non veg for lunch and dinner on saturday and sunday....and believe u me...I was done by the sunday dinner...I could not eat a piece...can u beat that ...Me and not eating chicken!! Hmmm...I guess excess of anything does that to u....doesn't it???

I went to my mamu's place this saturday...I got caught for the first time for jumping a red light...well I did not jump the light....I just crossed it when it was yellow...and i was nice enough to stop the car when everyone else was crossing over inspite of the police wala askin them to stop!!! I am a nice guy u see....so I did stop the car when i could have driven straight on...So this fatty guard type person (with his tummy hanging out as though its gonna fall of any second or better still as though he was 18 months pregnant) walks up to me and asks for my papers and my license. By now I have strted to "congratulate" myself for stopping!! Ok...so i give the papers and walk up to the real cop...(who is sitting on a chair and has the buttons of his shirt opened as though he were sitting on a beach in goa)....who calmly tells me that he'll have to cut a challan unless i "think" abt it....Now it doesn't take a genius to decipher what I had to think abt....So i told him to read the name on the registration...(my dads name...hehehe ..he is in the army)....he did that and gave me a sheepish grin and asked me to go....Here's some food for thought......Assuming that the light changes every 2 mins.....and he has a duty of 8 hrs. And each time he catches someone he ends up earning atleast 200 bucks! Almost an opportunity of earning a cool 6000 bucks an hr...and in 8 hrs....48000 bucks!!! thats 48000 bucks for actually doing nuthing and catching hold of guys who innocently cross when the light is yellow....How unfair is that!!!!

Yes so that's the round up...the very unattractive slacker blogger status is creeping up on me and it really doesn't feel good....Do u see me rusting too??? hmm...maybe i should blog more....nahi?? (psst: Dont tell me if u think i have rusted;)......hehehehe)

Till latersss.....Now is not for ever:) :) :)

Found him.....

2007-05-27T13:54:00.000+05:30

Dear Blog,

Its bee ages since I wrote something on you….Truth be told..its been so long that I would be surprised if you’d even remember who I am! I’ve just never felt the urge to sit n write something…I sometimes feel that it’s a worthless exercise! Bu then there are times that I get these guilt pangs that I haven’t updated u in more than a month. A lot has happened in my life…most of it you know already!

From the days of nervousness to today (the days of happiness)….I’ve had a helluva ride! And I’m glad the way things have turned out for me….I can only be thankful and hope that life gets better…..( it already is great…and u know why!)

[Mann…ur the reason…stand up and take a Bow…..]

Its been almost 2 yrs that I’ve known you M. Blog…..but do u know me well enough?? Just thought I’d introduce myself better…

I think Jim Davis was inspired by me when he created Garfield…. eat (big eater), sleep mmm the word makes me sleep!) and hate Mondays (worst day of the week!)!
I am not a chocolate fan…I have never bought or finished a bar of chocolate!
I have this extreme urge to be in the good books of everyone and in this process I end up trying too hard and getting stuck
I find it extremely hard to say a “no” to anyone!
I have this maniacal urge to have everyone around me smiling!
I was very conscious about my voice…I still find it too girly!
I make extremely yummy food…IF I want to…!
I am a self proclaimed introvert ………. I like it this way!!!
I am a very slow reader…By the time I finish a novel, you’d probably have be a 170 yrs old!!
I like sleeping... coz i like dreaming abt u know who
I have oodles of patience which I loose very often:D
I never had a cell phone until I was outta my college. I bought a 2100 for 7 grands (my first phone) & the N 70 for 19 grands both from my own salaries.
I lock myself up and play music really loud music on my comp when I get angry…. I love fiddling with my phone when I am angry and that’s how I learn to use it.
I love watching the Amazing race…I think the entire concept is a lot of fun!
I hate…absolutely hate getting on the weighing scale! It scares me..
I love mangoes….n litchis….n grapes…n oranges….n Chicken Mcgrill burger yummm!
I am 26 and I love animated movie flicks!! Ice age is my favourite…:)
My jogging shoes are Canadian worth $100. Extremely comfy!
I DO NOT snore when I sleep!! (Mann thinks that I do…I refuse to accept it….)
I have a yellow tiffin box with bunnies on it..and another with one with mickey, pluto n Minnie on it (cant find it any more :-( ) which i still love as much as i did when i was actually 7..
I hate being woken up…except if its Mann waking me up
I think I have weird hair….but atleast I have hair….am losing the lil that I have left…I wish I’d have them left before I get married.
I love watching TV…even if nothing is on…it fascinates me no ends!
I had a Citibank credit card when I was merely 18!!
I’ve been to all the states in India except Tripura, Orrisa n Kerela. I love traveling around. P.s - Mann….can we please keep traveling?
I hate the noise that comes out when u rub ur hand on a balloon!
I am extremely scared of rides. The only one time I was able to sit on one was with the person I trust the most and of all the people on the ride, I squealed the most.
I learnt to ride a bicycle coz my mom bribed me with jalebis!
I learnt to drive a car when I was 15…I’ve had only one accident till date! Touch wood!
I am scared to decide…but once I do I stick by it!

I know this is very rusty, but I am writing after a longtime…the only way to go from here is up! Coz now….is not forever!!

What did I do to Tanuj?

2007-04-04T16:37:00.000+05:30

They said..."You're doing it again...!! Forget it...We don't wanna talk..". "But I'm not!!!...its just that I'm eating...(Its been a tough day...)...."

And then there was silence. The phone had gone off.. and the words echoed in my ears..

Do I really become someone else? Do I change?

Brain: No u dont...U try too hard and overdo it.
Heart: Overdo what?? Either I do it or I don't....where does overdo come from ..?
Brain: Thats your problem..You're not even willing to listen
Heart: I listen....I always listen...I've always been listening!
Brain: Thats what u've done to urself...
Heart: What? What..."Pray tell..."
Brain: Nothing...just forget it....
Heart: Forget what??
Brain: You'll not understand....U can't ever understand.You know what your problem is...you take everything upon u...anything that goes wrong...u think its because of u.....
Heart: It is....I did it again....I become someone else....!
Brain: You try too hard...maybe if u just let go of urself u'd be more u!!
Heart: Doesn't work...I am a no gooder...
Brain: U are...thats why u are what u are....U wouldn't be where u are if u were a no gooder...
Heart: Professionally maybe....personally, I am nothing but a dissapointment...
Brain: It'll be ok....You'll get there....keep at it..& quit pretending!
Heart: What do i do?? What do i do?? I wanna run away....
Brain: As if....
Heart: What??
Brain: As if thats a solution....
Heart: No its not!
Brain: There u go..
Heart: Patience...I wish they'd be more patient with me....I am not a bad person....I want them to be happy.....All I do is end up adding to their misery Can't live up to the expectations...
Brain: And Why....ever thought? Maybe u try too hard....maybe u are scared of something...
Heart: Failing!
Brain: You'll ensure it if u continue ur ways...
Heart: What do i do? What do i do??

Today has been a bad day...whatever I've done...said has backfired on me...I wouldn't wanna go in the details but it has all gone horrible wrong. Has been one of the worst days...& thinking that yesterday I was the happiest I've been in a long time....Life does pull u down...REAL HARD when it decides too...and u can't do anything but freefall and hope that when you hit the rock bottom, you don't get hurt. You know you'll have to climb again....and you know you'd fall again...and again and again!

The fall is much worse if u end up feeling that you were at fault.....or maybe if you are made to believe that you were at fault. Its much worse if you've been trying hard....Its much worse if you think you're climbing well...Its much worse if you can't break it...try as u might!

At such times i am reminded of something which my grandma once told me once when I came back almost in tears coz others would tease me that I'm too fat....I'd always try hard to fit it...participate in races, come last (be made fun of) and not tell anyone at home..Ignore all the hurtful (nicknames ranging from "hathi" to "sumo" to"fatso") that you'd get..
She said...

"You are what you are...be proud of it...you don't have to fit in...be what you want to be...let the world follow u..."

I ignored her...and i have been ignoring her...trying to be Tanuj Kapoor who others want to see.....and in amongst all this I think I've lost the real me...I don't recognize him anymore...Was he talkative or was he quiet? Was he fun loving or was he serious? Did he make fun of others or did he join in when somebody was being made fun of? Did he like being laughed at or did he detest it....? Where is me?? Who am I? Who have I become....

All I ever did was....Try and fit in....All I try to do now is...try to fit in....I wanna break free....do what I wanna do...not let them complain...not let them troubled coz of me...cos this is what I am...I wish i had listened to u dadima..I wish I would listen to u now....but I can't promise...I wouldn't dare to do that...for the fear that I wouldn't "fit in"...

This one is for me....I think Ciara was thinking of me when she wrote this.....

Everyone Wants To Be Like The Other
Look Around And You Will Discover
Take A Chance And Try Something Different
Don't Be Scared You Might Make A Difference

Some People Might Call You Crazy
And They May Laugh At You And Says You A Fool
But You Cant Care If They Say Cause
Before You Know It They'll Be Following You

Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da [x3]

Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
If U Want Some Come Get Some
You Don't Want None Come Get Some

Say Iche Me Son
Itche Me Son

Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]

Try So Hard To Copy My Style
Take A Lesson Ill Show You How
But Why Not Try To Do Something Different
Take A Chance You Might Make A Difference

Some People Might Call You Crazy
And They May Laugh At You And Says You A Fool
But You Cant Care If They Say Cause
Before You Know It They'll Be Following You

Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da [x3]

Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
If U Want Some Come Get Some
You Don't Want None Come Get Some

Say Itche Me Son
Itche Me Son

Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]

[Talking:]
Now This Ones For Everybody Thats Right
I Need For You To Try Something Different
Now You Can Move Move How You Want It
And You Can Do Do What You Wanted
Thats Right I Said It

Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]
If U Want Some Come Get Some
You Don't Want None Come Get Some

Say Itche Me Son
Itche Me Son

Get In Fit In Get Out Get Out [x2]

Some People Might Call You Crazy
And They May Laugh At You And Says You A Fool
But You Cant Care If They Say Cause
Before You Know It They'll Be Following You

Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da [x3]

Thats Right I'm Done

Itche Me Son
Itche Me Son

Do [x14]

Itche Me Son

Do [x14]

Itche Me Son

Pause:

(DON'T HAVE THE SONG ON mp3...i WISH I DID)

I KNOW IT CAN'T BE HEARD...BUT I AM SORRY THAT I DISSAPOINT...BUT I TRY HARD...I WILL CHANGE. BE PATIENT AND TELL ME THAT I AM TRYING TOo HARD AND I DONT NEED TO DO IT...PLEASE BE PATIENT

The Guy in the Glass

2007-03-04T15:30:00.000+05:30

I reached Delhi about 2 weeks back….and its been real hectic ever since. Getting up at 7 in the morning… (it’s a pain) but thanks to people around me….i do manage to get up! I usually get ready by 8 and then get online to check my mails and have my breakfast …all at the same time.. The only multi tasking I manage to do….I’ve been told that I ain’t good at that either. Then strts the torture of an hr…driving to office! Its almost 20 kms from my home….music keeps me from getting too irritated…the traffic is horrible…reminds me of Calcutta at times….I never thought I’d admit it…but I do miss Calcutta at times…the ease of reaching office….proximity to office…it was fun…but this sure is better...!

Office is very different….Calcutta mein people either worked while cribbing or did not work at all…yahaan…u can actually see people enjoy their work..and when the environment is such…u feel like wrkin as well…! My boss is a 32 yr old GM…abt 5 grades above me…I just hope I reach the level he has by the time I am 32…:) The others around are fun too…It’s all very vibrant.

How can I forget the food…the food is awesome! Especially after Calcutta ke office ka food…I will remember it with sukto and maach….I had my quota full of them!

I usually strt back at abt 6.30and reach by 7.30….the day is almost over by then…..well…that’s a normal day for me in short….

But here’s what I have been itching to put up on this space for a while….I recently happened to read a poem… It is titled “ The Guy in the Glass” here’s how it goes:

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Truly speaking, I got this mail in a forward….I usually do not read forwards unless I have a lot of time…I just happened to chance upon this one. Made me think…yes yet again!! What do I see when I see urself in the mirror?? Am I proud of myself…? Am I happy at what I see? Can I look into the eye of the guy standing in front of me and hold my own??

I loved the poem … made a lot of sense to me….reminded me of soo many things that I need to do…I hope I do manage to live up to then…

Turn of events in life……I’m more convinced than ever…..

Now is not for ever!!!

Random musings....more of them!

2007-02-08T19:13:00.000+05:30

Its been such a long time that I last wrote in here. I wonder why??….I can come up with reasons for the absence for sure…but the bottom line being, I just didn’t know what to write about. It often happens with me….I take up things with loads of zeal and then somewhere in the middle loose the enthu…I wonder if its normal or if it is me..!

The months seem to be passing by in a flash…seems like yesterday that I was sitting in my convocation at my college. Its been 7 months…7 long months which went by at a bat of an eyelid. It seems my destiny to stick around in Cal for some time to come…

I happened to watch Rocky balboa recently. Its an awesome movie with the usual punchy Rocky dialogues. Rocky is old now and owns a restaurant. He wants to get back into the ring and fight again coz he still thinks that he has some “fire” in his belly! How many of us give up much before the fire burns out? Do we tend to give up much before the breaking point? Isn’t it our responsibility to fight on ??

“…. This world is mean…life is unfair! To get something you gotta stop looking for shade! Go out in the sun…Each time you start to move ahead, you’ll get punched real hard on your face. Its not about how you’ll counter them….its about how after every hard punch, you’ll get up and keep moving. Life is not about fighting back…life is about living…you gotta do what u want to do , else you’ll never get up !”

That’s what Balboa tells his son who was rather edgy after hearing his decision to fight again! Doesn’t it make a lot of sense…I’m not sure if these are the exact lines he said….but the meaning is what is more important.

I tend to remember these small things which people end up saying … I remember long time back during one of the matches, Sidhu ( yes u read it right…..between all the talk he does often end up saying things which actually make a lot of sense) had said something…. “Between yesterday’s chances and tomorrows hope lie today’s opportunities….what are you doing about today?”

Which reminds me…work has been rather hectic of late! I moved into HR a week back and ever since I’ve been busy making something called the Manpower requisition forms and getting them signed off….for the last 6 months! Now ideally these forms should be made as and when there is a need to recruit someone. But obviously they weren’t being made. So now that the departmental audit is around corner, there was fire. I worked to get the things in order in time….working late….8, 8:30, 9…. (Yeah! That is late for me….). Each form required to be signed off by 4 people which included the ever busy departmental heads…here’s where I get proud of myself…Having worked under all of these people for the last 7 months…(and I’ve been through all that there is to understand….thoroughly cross trained :D)… I could use my equation with them to get these signed off in time. ( It is good with everyone…surprise surprise!!) . And here’s what I got for all my efforts…

My first recognition at airtel….even though if it was for something as stoopid as this…it feels great…!!
I have a feeling that companies do not appreciate their employees often enough….a simple thing like this bell can make a person like me feel proud of myself….a pat on the back, a certificate of apprecitation, appreciation in front of peers….I wonder why we are so miserly with them? And its not just corporate life…its even personal life…We are quick to criticise, back bite, bitch about people….how often do we appreciate ppl around us?

Let alone appreciation!!….How often do we go out of the way to get insignificant or maybe very significant people around us to smile…..the peons, the guards, the helpers, the servant… ….I make it a point to say a hi , a thank you , a good morning……trust me seeing their smiles just makes u feel all the more better…! Isn’t it what life is all about….spreading smiles?? If u’ve made him smile on 10 days, the one day that u have to shout at him…he wouldn’t mind…..its elementary human relations…..easier said than done but very doable…and it works…trust me!! Experience speaking…

Since I am done with my work, I am back to doing sweet nothings…..Isn’t it just great?? But hey now is not for ever….is it?? ENJOYJ

p.s.- feels good to be back!

2007-01-02T12:40:00.000+05:30

Happy New Year...Here's something that I'm gonna try and live by this new year.....I hope it helps u in your resolutions too!

If you want something you never had, do something you've never done before

Don't go the way life takes you.
Take life the way you want to go .
And remember you are born to live and
not living because you are born.

ENJOY...coz NOW is not forever

Lucky to be me...!

2007-01-02T12:16:00.000+05:30

I’m gonna start calling my life a routine from now on. As much as it brings in a sense of “the known”, it takes away the fun element. Why does everything look the same when they say that each day is a new day? Why do I find myself ambling through the day’s work and end up feeling that I’ve done this before? Why is routine so boring? Or is it I who finds the same thing painstakingly monotonous?

I, for one, find it really difficult to stay put in one place….and that’s why all the traveling (U shud’ve realized that by now). In yet another attempt to get out of the routine trap I planned a visit to Patna (well other people had a major had in the planning the trip…but who cares…I went through with it)….By the way….Yeah u read that right…Patna!! I do have a strong Bihari Connection….my dad was born and brought up in Patna and he stayed there until he was 17 before he got into the NDA. My dad’s elder brother, Bade Papa, still lives there. The last time I was in Patna was about 9 yrs ago…I was a gauky 16 year old (seems like ages ago)! The town has a strange sort of an aura to it…..for me it does! It puts my mind to rest. Maybe its the family...maybe its the home...i wouldn't know and I wouldn't think about it.. Should I?

This time was no different. The train chugged in at 7:30 and I couldn’t stop smiling as soon as I stepped down. “Back after ages….. You still are the same!!” The accented hindi, the crazy traffic, the insanely high autos, the potholed roads, the confusing crowd, the nauseating odour…it was still there. Rewind 9 years and the town was still the same.

Chetan Bhaiya was already home when I reached. The smile only got broader from then on. Meeting Ma, badepapa, Chetan Bhaiya ……The cherry on the icing was the food. One thing I miss here in Kolkata is the home food….the aaloo paratha, the bhindis, the rajmas, its not the same……whichever restaurant I go to. You’d think that I’d loose weight…I’m not one to loose any of it especially with the amount I eat out everytime even though I might complain about it. Makes me wonder at times how people manage to say they don’t have an appetite….I guess God created me to balance for them!

We had to go to Amrita bhabhi’s place to pick her and the two kids up. This was the first time that I would be going to her place and she’s been married 9 years….figures! The next two days went off in a flash…and all I can remember of the last 3 days is the people and what they mean to me..…

Chetan Bhaiya…referred by me more often than not as CK…he has been an inspiration to me in more ways than one even though I might never have told this to him. I still remember him telling rather scolding me (after I got a 40 odd in my Maths preboard) that anything less than a 70 % is a failure…. I guess I did my MBA coz I saw him do it and do well after it. I secretly admired him for the decisions he took howsoever unconventional …..his conviction, his belief in doing what he thought was right.

Bade Papa… Having stayed his entire life in Patna, I’m sure he has seen much more than I could ever hope to know. He is the quiet one…much like my dad or maybe me to a large extent. But it’s the small things that he does is what makes him special…. He is undoubtedly the pillar of the family and the strongest one at that.

Maa… need I say more?? The picture which comes to my mind when I think of her is, her standing and showing off that million dollar smile. Almost as though telling us that nothing is worth loosing it. She has been through a lot as well and I admire her courage to fight on and to never give in howsoever difficult the odds may be. A lot of people would have thrown in the towel where she fought on …and won….Courage personified!

Amrita bhabhi….She is the elder sister I always wanted…well not quite if u think literally….but in more ways than one. The more I say about her, the lesser it’d be. She epitomizes the word “mother”. Let Aatmaj and Aadhar (her 2 adorable kids) know that they are the lucky one’s…I’ve seen her through the worst of times with just a teardrop in her eye and a smile on her face. She has seen it all….and more!

The trip this time around was made even more special coz all of them were there. Each time I meet these people I realize how lucky I am. I wish we all stay the way we are….I always end by saying that Now is not forever….I’m tempted to wish that “Let now be forever….”

yup thats patna for u.... View from the top of the Gol Ghar... Well, this is the only view. The background has the Ganges. It used to flow right behing the yellow building. They say its changed course...I wonder why??? And thoughts cross my mind.. a lot of them....what has the city done to deserve this...I guess we all know the answer... here's a wish...Long live the city!!!

Sun, Sand and Vomit

2006-12-20T19:30:00.000+05:30

Some trips are not meant to be taken….this was one! But when I look back, I’m glad I did…I know that’s confusing, but hey…I am a confused person!! We decided to go to Digha on Saturday evening. No reservations, no bus tickets….this was gonna be one heck of a trip.

Digha is a rather popular beach destination in West Bengal …about 4 hrs from Kolkata. We decided to take a bus…I was rather reluctant…I hate long journeys in a bus and that too a local over crowded one. Add to it the fact that this was almost a night bus starting from Kolkata at about 6:30 in the evening. The seats in the bus, as expected were cramped….especially for a gigantic person like me! I was with Nitesh and Abdul….and decided to take the aisle seat. We stuffed our bags with Lays, biscuits and pepsies knowing rather well that the place that the buggers are gonna stop at would be rather sad and overpriced to say the least! WE started moving at about 6:45 and almost immediately got stuck in the famous Kolkata Traffic near the station. By the time we were out it was almost 7:45. I was prepared for the worst and the worst was just about ready for me!

The bus was super full with people standing in rows or fours in the centre almost. The guy standing next to me was sleeping … yes sleeping while he was standing and kept falling over on me until I jutted my elbow into his leg. Not even an hour and my behind started to hurt coz the seats were that bad! The guy played Himesh Reshamiya songs on the TV…I don’t know what it is with the kolkatans and Himesh Bhai Reshammiya!! Luckily he decided to switch after about half an hour of torture and put on “Prahaar”…it’s the Nana Patekar- commando movie if u remember!

He stopped midway after which I took the window seat. The biggest mistake…I was merrily enjoying the movie and the cool breeze when suddenly the guy in front of me started to vomit….and my window was open …unfortunately….the rest as they say is history!! I ended up swearing and shouting at the guy and all he did was offer a “sorry” which infuriated me further! A bad start indeed!

We reached Digha at about 1130…rather late by Bengali standards and started our hotel hunt. WE did finally locate one which looked reasonably ok for the amount that it was charging….The first thing I did as soon as I reached was to have a bath…..no hot water..!! It was rather cold that day….the first time I felt cold in and around Kolkata. The bed was rather inviting after the tiring and eventful journey and crashed on it. O yeah….we did switch on the TV at the hotel….Late night TV at its worst! We decide that the sunrise tomorrow would be better than what was on.

I decided to get up early ….Abdul got up with me too. It was still dark. The air was still chilly…we took the road to the beach…it was uncannily empty and we wondered if we were too early! The beach was a rather unpleasant surprise. Hoards of people….and I mean loadssssss of them….looked as though they had spent the night on the beach…A whole lot of them dressed as though it is -25 degrees with their mufflers, monkey caps and everything else brushing their teeth on the beach as though it was a private bathroom and spitting in the sea water. Talking and walking while u r brushing…..bengal never ceases to shock me! I even saw early morning droppings on the beach which gave me a rather icky feeling and we decided to walk to the corner of the beach which would be less crowded even though far.

The sunrise was a spectacular site…U gotta see it to believe it! It gave a sense of peace, calm , tranquility almost as though telling us that this day would be better! We just stood there and watched it come up from the rather dull red small sphere to the bright orange and rather warm one…WE walked back to the hotel room and ordered breakfast. We were rather hungry having not eaten the night before so we ordered parathas. What we got was anything but a paratha…Square shaped pieces made of maida and oil deep fried to the point of them becoming papads served with guess what???? Aaloo…what else!! Rather disappointing!!

We checked out of the hotel and decided that we need to head back when we suddenly remembered about Sankarpur. I’d read somewhere that the beach was rather serene and quiet and u can actually see the fisherman work out there. Not expecting too much we decided to head off to the place. We took yet another bus to a place called 14th mile…It’s a village of sorts….14 miles from Digha. The beach is another 5 kms from the village. Not locating any mode of transport we decided to walk. Suddenly we saw a person an a Thela rikshaw which had a motor attached. He drove to us and offered to drop us to the beach for 50 bucks. WE decided to take the hitch and as we were going, realized that this is a rather common mode of transport here. The roads were empty and almost non existent. It gave us hope…yet again of the place being clean. It looked rather clean. 15 bone shaking but extremely fun filled minutes later we reached the beach. WE had to walk for about had a km through the trees to reach the beach. And it was a wonderful sight….The beach was absolutely clean….pristine. Abdul and Nitesh got excited and decided to jump into the water. I was not up to it for reason best known to me and decided to sit and relax as my mind started to wander over the last few months of my life which’ve been a big learning experience for more reasons than one. I decided to pick up my book and start reading it. I’m reading this autobiography of Lance Armstrong… “It’s not about a Bike” for the second time in as many months. A very inspiring book...very simple and hard hitting!

I could see the fisherman at work….pulling the net, which they put earlier, back. Little by little they pulled it back…looked like a Herculean effort and the catch was rather small. Yet another reminded that good things come only if u work hard and even then there is no certainty.

After having spent about 2 hrs there we decided to have our lunch and head back. WE hiked for almost a km before we found something to eat. We took another motorized thela…this time to a place called Ramnagar from where we were to catch our bus back to Kolkata. It was a state bus and the seats were harder than the ones we came on. However, in a way I was glad I was coming back…4 hrs later the first thing that came outta my mouth was…” I’m glad, we are in Kolkata…!” I never thought I’d say that ever!!

Another reminder….Now is Not Forever!!!!

Let's do the Kansas City Shuffle!!

2006-12-11T12:01:00.000+05:30

Very seldom does a movie inspire me to think…this one did.

Sunday mornings are usually lazy. While reading the newspaper on the Saturday before, I’d come across this movie with one heck of a star cast and I just had to see it. Ben Kingsley, Morgan Freeman, Bruce Willis, Josh Hartnett, Lucy Liu….had to be a great movie. We decided to catch the early morning show on Sunday….LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN!

The movie turned out to be rather disappointing…more like a Quintin Tarantino without the suaveness and the punch. Maybe I was just expecting too much….the plot was weak and much too predictable. When the movie scores is the performances in spite of the insipid plot and the dialogues….some of the best one’s in a long time. There was this one dialogue which really got me thinking….but first, here’s what the movie was about ….

A good-looking dude with a broken nose is crashing at his bud’s apartment when a mob boss calls him in for a visit. It’s a case of mistaken identity, you see, and the good-looking dude is now forced to kill someone or else…he’s a dead man himself. And as if all that wasn’t enough, the other mob boss in town also calls him in for a visit and gives him (well, the person they think he is!) 48 hours to pay up on some hefty debts. What ensues is a whole lot of jabbering and killing.

The movie begins with a man in a wheelchair (Bruce Willis) telling an inexplicable story to a stranger in an airport lounge. The story involves the story of a fixed horse race, and there is mention of the Kansas City Shuffle… when the crown looks left u go right and do ur thing….

Josh Hartnett, playing Slevin, arriving at the New York apartment of his friend Nick, and being mistaken for Nick by hired goons working for The Boss (Morgan Freeman). The Boss, played by Freeman with his usual suave charm, tells Slevin (or Nick) he owes a lot of money, but the debt can be forgotten if he will kill the son of The Boss's rival crime kingpin, Shlomo ,The Rabbi (Ben Kingsley). In no time at all, Slevin/Nick is hauled by an alternative set of goons before The Rabbi, who makes him an alternative offer he can't refuse.

I ain’t giving out the end here coz if ur interested go catch it….Here’s the dialogue I was rather impressed by…

Slevin is taken in by Rabbi. This is almost immediately after the Boss takes him in and asks him to kill the Rabbi’s son. (Its not exactly the dialougues…but the meaning is what matters here)

Rabbi: You look worried
Slevin: Should I be worried?
Rabbi: U should. You owe me $33000.
Slevin: I do?! Boy…do I feel unlucky today!
Rabbi: That’s relative….don’t u think? If you don’t pay up in 48 hrs, you might end up thinking you were lucky today! You see, probably yesterday you thought that you were unlucky coz you got mugged, today u might think yesterday was better and today is unlucky for u. Man is never happy…is he?
Slevin: I guess not! So how do u justify urself being a Rabbi and doing what u do?
Rabbi: U see, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I live on both the sides…..So u see, I always have green grass!

I love what the Rabbi has to say… and it made me think. Why do we end up wasting today
thinking that we are not having the best of days…maybe its better than the days to come!! Why not enjoy the green grass that we have? And if u don’t…move to the other side!!

Let’s do the Kansas City Shuffle……… Why be ordinary when u can do more much more?

Thoughts…just thoughts!! Now is not forever!

Devilishly Delightful

2006-12-03T09:57:00.000+05:30

They say things happen for a reason….I believed that things happen coz they have to happen…its like ‘things’ have nothing better to do but to happen. …..Not any more!!

6 months seem like a drop in the ocean of a lifetime. Lifetime, which promises laughter & sadness, smiles & tears, joys & sorrows, hope & worthlessness. Emotions which make the lifetime worth living…Little was I to know that the ‘much acclaimed’ cheesy comment was to change my life…for the better.

A friend who listens, a friend who expects nothing, a friend who cares, a friend who bears the worst of my tantrums (and a lot of them at that), a friend who has seen and taken me through the highest of highs and lowest of lows, a friend who taught me the importance of being me and not to care about what others think ….This doesn’t even begin to describe Mann. She claims to be much older than her and somehow has made me believe her. She’s seen a lot more than I have, she is a lot wiser than I am… always has the right thing to say and has this uncanny knack of knowing what I am thinking.

Finally, it was to happen….after almost 6 months of talking to her and almost knowing her like the back of my hand, I was to meet her. “I was nervous” is an understatement. But I shouldn’t let it be known!! Coz, knowing her, I was sure that she would be too. So I pretended that I was the calmest person alive when we spoke on that fateful Friday afternoon. “We’ll meet at Barista…around 2 – 2:30. Don’t reach there until I call u abt me leaving from office.” My precise last words to her. As expected, she reached there at 2 and called me. I was still at office. Some 45 mins away!!! I took a cab and we spoke for almost about 30 mins about random things. I could sense her sense of nervousness as well and I wondered if she would sense mine too.

MD: You aren’t walking in t\with the phone in your hands. That’s would be funny!
Me: y would it be funny? I think that’d be rather appropriate!
MD: NO!
Me: Ok Ok….I’ll tell you when I’m abt 5 mins away from u……hey I can see the flyover. I am 5 mins away!!
MD: OK….
Me: Should I keep the phone down? Do you want 5 mins before the shock?
MD: Yes please….

I hung up and waited for the taxi to reach the new market. Those were one long 5 mins. I was walking towards Barista and suddenly something came over me and I stopped. I looked around, bought a mint and stood there for abt a minute and then walked past the Barista. Realizing suddenly that I’d missed it, I walked back towards the glass door …As I entered, I could see a rather squishy, cute bespectacled girl sitting rather edgily on the chair in her bright blue kurta reading on something. This has to be her!! I walked in and suddenly, the nervousness seemed to disappear in her aura. She still had not notices me or was she pretending not to have. . “Whack!!” I smacked (or so she says) on her head with the papers in my hand and she looked up…Suddenly a cold chill ran down my spine… “What if this isn’t her?” It was too late….!

Thankfully it was her! She smiled and we said our “customary” hi’s! The self proclaimed shy girl turned out to be a rather talkative person and very pleasantly so. We were at barista for almost an hour talking away to glory, still squabbling over petty things like her refusing to show her college I card. A cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin later we decided to get outta there. I suddenly remembered…. “You haven’t ever had a Gulab Jamun…Have u?” We started walking towards KC das when she grabbed hold of my hand for the first time and pulled me towards a shop or rather in front of it and pointed somewhere. I looked in to see 4-5 puppies sleeping at their cutest best. Zapp…she takes out her Motorola V3 and shows me a picture that she had taken earlier….

MD: Aren’t they really cute…?
Me: Yeah…very!! Those are street dogs….right?
MD: No…they are puppies…!!!
Me: Ok…can we go to KC das??
MD: look look…there are more of them….an entire litter…8 of them! I wish I had 8.
Me: You already have 4.
MD: I have 5. Don’t forget Gin! And another 20 at my farm house.
Me: Hmmm…Nice!! KC das?

We walked to KC Das after dodging through the Kolkata traffic. It took us ages to reach there. I made Mann have her first Gulab Jamun….and I’m so proud of myself for it. However, her face told a different story. She gulped it down….with an expression on her face that I’ll never forget. It was a cross between an expression that u make when you are made to eat something that u hate and one when u eat something u love. You had to see it to know it.

The plan next was to spend a lil time together…what better place than the banks of Ganges…Right? So off we went on to millennium park…took a ferry ride to and from howrah. The sun setting provided the most picturesque of all sights! She sat there, sitting on the wooden bench on the ferry dangling her feet in the air as though she was a 5 year old. The thing about Mann is that she never seizes to surprise u. One moment she’d be this really serious 17 yr old who’d seem like a 91 yr old and the other she’d do something which’d remind u of the kid in her which she tries so hard to hide.

All this while we kept talking …not a minute of uncomfortable silence. Never did it seem a first meeting. As the sun set out came the love birds…and plenty of them…hiding behind the trees….thinking they weren’t visible….Me and Mann had a laugh riot pointing at them and laughing at them. We decided to grab a quick bite at Bar-b-que and then head home coz it was getting rather late for her and uncle would’ve been waiting.

Here’s a list of what all I ate when we were together….one coffee, one blue berry muffin, 2 roshogullas, peanuts, Ice cream, soup and Prawns!! 4 hrs….lots of talking, food, fun…awesome time. I dropped her off at her hotel and we decided to meet the next day in the morning at flurry’s.

The second day… I’d heard a lot about breakfast at flury’s which is supposed to be one of the best confectionaries in Cal. I hadn’t ever had anything there except a glass of juice once. I was woken up in the morning by my phone ringing at the usual 8:00 am.
MD: “Get up!!! By when can u reach Flury’s?”
Me:…ehhhh…what time is it??? Umm….I’ll be there by 9:30…or maybe 10. I’ll call u when I get out.
MD: Ok…I’ll be there….Dad’s coming too!
Me: I know….
MD: Wish Dad…eat properly…joke around….dad likes funny people….Don’t be nervous!
Me: (to myself) Why would I be nervous….I’m just meeting a friend’s dad!! Its not like she is my GF…!!! He wouldn’t kill me….would he???!! Why did she have to say that??

I rolled out of the bed by abt 8:30 and got dressed….took the metro (which was supremely crowded) to Park street and walked to flury’s. We had breakfast …rather uneventfully..except me dropping the fork a couple of times . I wasn’t nervous….!!! I know someone who would tend to disagree. I had a cheese omelet and a couple of sausages. It provided for the strength I needed next to help move the luggage to a hotel. The hotel seemed pretty decent for the room. I couldn’t help but get a feeling that it was because of me that they had to stay where they had to….they deserved a better place though!!

I had an appointment with the dentist for Saturday morning. All I could think about sitting in the dentist’s chair is that I should get over with it soon. We were done by about noon. Mann and I decided to catch a movie. We got the tickets for casino Royale and decided to go eat something. Hakka was at the top of my mind for more than one reason. It’s a Chinese restaurant with great food. We had Hot and Sour soup which was the awesomest u’d get anywhere….I had crabmeat for the first time. Great food always makes me happy. More was to come. City center is an awesome place to spend time. We still had some time to kill so we decided to kill some time at Timezone….a videogame parlour. Yes …you read that right….We killed some dinosaurs and drove some cars and killed some more dinosaurs. The movie was ok….the ice cream and the coke kept me going. Saturday evening usually is rather crowded. And we were rather full…So we decided to keep it light . I left Mann with her dad at night. While coming back the only thing I remember thinking about is…. “Great company….I wonder why she wouldn’t accept!??” Had an awesome night’s sleep that day….the best day in Kolkata yet….Little did I know….there was more to come:)!

I for one am really scared of heights and that’s precisely I had to face the next day. We decided to go to an amusement park….the only one in cal….I was apprehensive at first. Little did I know that this was gonna be one of the best days yet….I decided not to have breakfast that day and popped in a coule of avomines fearing that I’ll end up puking on one of the rides. We reached Nicco Park at about 1130 which was rather early even by Calcutta standards. We decided to roam around for a while and then start of with the rides. The virtual simulator, the civilization boat ride, the water shoot, the ropeway….and more. This was the first time that I decided to get on to a roller coaster. To say that I was shit scared would be an understatement. My palms were sweaty and my heart was beating at the rate of knots!! I decided not to back out. As it began to move u grabbed on to the handle with all the force. It started to climb up and all I could think was “I wanna get outta here.” All I could say was…. “Oh ****!!” the next 2 mins of my life are a blur….the ups and the downs and the turns and more ups and more downs… As I got off it…I couldn’t help but feel proud of myself…My heart was willing for more, my mind said no. and the person who’d made me overcome this fear was right next to me…and I was glad she was there. I was glad I did this….

Once the rides were done, we decided to the next obvious thing….eat:D. Shared an egg roll of which I ended up eating the lions share. At the counter, Mann stood with her arms spread straight looking at the person making the juice with droopy eyes as though pleading him just like a 5 yr old would do to hurry up. Lunch done…Mann had this awesome idea that we should go to the science city….now I’d seen science city but I always thought it was a rather kiddish place to go. But we did end up goin there and believe me it was fun. I guess it’s got a lot to do with the company. Mann was almost like a child lost in a huge candy store…moving from one display to the other. I was there right behind her almost feeling like a guardian. Once I got into it, the roles reversed….!!! She became the guardian and I was the child in the candy store. The rather impressive Evolution zone, the rather sad 3D zone, the rather exciting time zone and the rather cozy space theatre, it was all a lot of fun! By the time we were done with all of this it was rather late…late evening and dark. And when the darkness comes, so do the coochie cooing couples. Unfortunately, we found ourselves walking out of an area infested….yes INFESTED by them. 1 couple per tree was the order of the day…and there were plenty of trees!! I always wonder why on earth do they need do what they do in public…?? Makes me icky..!!

We walked out with we making lewd remarks about what we just saw and Mann almost feeling embarrassed to the point of disowning me!! We took a taxi and decided to go get something to eat….The taxi broke down in the middle of nowhere and we had to walk almost half a km before we got another one to take us to where we had to go…the much acclaimed and awaited Honey da Dhaba…. I’d heard so much abt this place from mann that I soo wanted to go there. It was very unlike what I had pictured it to be…it was a proper restaurant with carved furniture, napkins, AC, an LCD TV and more. I was looking for a open air thing with charpais and manjas with onion and green chilly in glasses with trucks standing all around! I was a little disappointed; however, the disappointment vanished as soon as I started eating. Awesome food would be an understatement. I had butter chicken for the first time in Calcutta and enjoyed myself. I have this major weakness for food…. (As if it wasn’t already evident). Mann hardly ate anything in spite of me forcing her….Coming to think of it, of all the times we were together , I remember myself hogging everywhere and her…just pecking at food!! I always wondered, how anyone can manage to do that…my sister does that too! C’mon…its food…its there to be eaten!!! Mann said she was happy seeing me eat …. Ideally it should’ve made me conscious….I didn’t even notice it until she said that. Good foor, great company, great times….what else could I wish for??

Satiated, we took a cab and moved back to where uncle was. My cell played Goo Goo Dolls and Aerosmith while we drove back to Barista…where else? Funny how things come full circle…???!! I met uncle and we ended up having cold coffee ….rather yummy ….I guess it was the company again!!!

I went back thinking….What did I ever do to get such a friend? The answer I gave to myself…Ur just plain n simple lucky!!

The next day was a Monday…office time. Mann and uncle were to shift to Keshtopur. I was glad she was coming nearer. We decided to meet up at about 2 and I told her I would show her my flat. I know it was in a mess. She called at about 1:45 and said that she would be delayed….I fled to my house and cleaned it up a little. Made it just about presentable. At least what little I could do in the little time. Met her at about 2:30 and we walked about 10 mins to my house which I was rather proud of by now after cleaning it. She’d gotten her laptop…She was rather impressed to see my part of the house…I was glad that someone was…I always find it a lil too empty! Mann opened her laptop and all I could do was ogle at the huge collection of awesome songs. To my surprise she’d already burned most of them for me and she gave me 2 rather incredible CD’s which I just can’t stop listening to! We were there for almost an hour after which we decided to go grab something to eat. We went to the food court and had a kiwi shake which tasted rather bad but Mann still insisted on finishing it. And some Malaysian chicken curry. We had to go back to Time zone and kill a few more dinosaurs. This time we had a rather freaky idea…..let’s get a sketch thing done…. And we did…turned out rather well. We sat at CCD together and then she had to leave….We came back home…Mann did what she wanted to do for a long time….met Abdul…I wonder what makes her think that he is my househusband…..we just cook and clean…he ain’t my househusband. I did a rather stoopid thing by asking Abdul to come along for a walk to drop Mann off. She got yet another opportunity to pull my leg…I told Abdul that he should go home and I’ll drop Mann midway…which he did! I dropped Mann in front of her house…which was rather far (which I realized while coming back alone). While going all I was hoping for that it should be far….i didn’t wanna let the moment pass. I don’t remember looking at her eyes while saying a goodbye….nor do I remember her looking at mine….it was a goodbye in the hope of meeting again…yet again and having even more fun!

Mann was flying off next day morning….I reached the airport rather early. Almost about half an hour before her. … I was that eager to see her. It turns out that her flight was cancelled. She was rescheduled on an evening flight. I went back to office with a strange sense of happiness knowing that she’z still around. Even though I wasn’t able to take time off that day, I did manage to get out of office rather early and see her off at the airport for the second time….I had a feeling in my gut that this time, it was for real and I had to tighten up. I have never been good with bye’s ….. I always end up not looking at the person I am saying a bye to and start thinking of something else as soon as I leave. Mann, to her credit was a picture of composure. So was uncle…Neither of them cried, neither of them wanted to see the other person cry….! The inevitable was near. The byes were difficult, she flew kingfisher to delhi and then to pune…and I drove a ambassador taxi home. Things had come a full circle yet again….

Now is not for ever!!!

My Treasure!!

2006-11-21T12:45:00.000+05:30

Mom-Dad I Wish they keep smiling like that .....Always!!

Family.... A large part thereof!

To Mumbai and Back!!

2006-11-21T12:39:00.000+05:30

Long time no see....I've been procrastinating a lot lately..I've been thinking of writing something on this space for ages....but that’s about where it ends. Thought not transformed into actions....Is that me?? I hope not!!

I was in Mumbai recently and happened to attend a "wedding"...The quotes tell u that it was indeed a wedding with a difference...and i mean that in the best sense of the word!! It was by far the best planned wedding I've ever attended! And this is 25 years of experience speaking in attending drab and boring wedding parties! PK/KK....if you are reading this, take a bow...I know who are the exact people who're gonna be planning things for me!!!

The flight out from Calcutta to Mumbai was at about 0930 in the morning...I, much against my usual routine, had to get up rather early to catch the flight!! Early for me = 07:00 am!! I have grown to like Air Deccan after my initial harrowing experience...It is very cheap (if you book on time) and gives u an option to eat and drink what you want to...unlike other frill-full airlines! The flight took me to Bombay in about 3 hrs. As I landed there, the excitement grew along with a strange sorta apprehension! I called dad who made me speak to the 'father of the bride' who in turn wanted me to reach their residence. My cousin was staying there as well!! The bags took an eternity to come out. I could've gone back to Calcutta and come back in that time! I took the bag and stepped out into the world called Bombay...I'd heard a lot....I was finally there. Thinking of Calcutta gave me a lot of heart....If I can survive here, I can survive anywhere!! I took an auto who weaved through traffic as bad as the traffic in Calcutta and took me to the place. It took me all of 15 mins!

Walking into the house, I wondered if anyone indeed would know who I was...Luckily I met my cousin PK even before entering. He had just come back after yet another shopping trip with his wife to be, KSK and his B-I-L. I was proud of myself for the excellent timing. Now, KK belongs to a gujju family....it was all I'd ever imagined a gujju family to be like....and more....almost seemed a family right out of one of the regular hindi Sitcoms...obviously these were the happy times for our family. Chirpy....extremely chirpy.... concerned.....and extremely friendly!! Not for a moment did I feel outta place even though I didn't understand any gujarati! I guess my interactions with the bengali speaking janta in Calcutta helped me a lot.... The food that afternoon was divine...Maybe because it was my first decent home made meal after a long time. I stopped only coz I had to not because I wanted to!! I don't remember meeting my entire family together in a long long time. This was one such occasion was so glad seeing all of them together...

I had to meet this another friend of mine that evening....it'd been a longgg time since we'd met last...Cafe mocha, the pani puri at juhu, the sea side...it was all awesome!! Had a great evening. The night was meant to be even better....Dinner at my cousin's place...KM. KM is my bua's daughter...hadn't met her in a long long time as well. I was apprehensive yet again...I took an auto rikshaw to her place. Bombay traffic in evenings is horrendous! a distance of 5 kms took me around half an hr! The evening was more of a "family getting together remembering old times" event! Now I like hearing stories about me and my childhood....but not when they get embarrassing. DO all families like doing that? Add to it the fact that I was almost the youngest ...yes, youngest at 25...(my sis wasn't there). We had some awesome chicken and divine icecream! Naturals they tell me was the name of the brand...i loved the roasted almonds!! The stories, the whiskey, the chicken and the ice cream lasted till about 12 in the night when everyone realized that tomorrow was yet another big day!! So we split.....feeling dead tired!

Day 2 began rather early for me...one of my friends was to come down n meet me at the andheri station. I reached there well in time.....in spite of the early morning bombay traffic. The sheer number of people that I saw in Andheri that morning was extremely scary! I don't think I've ever seen so many people...totally unperturbed by each others' presence! It was almost a belittling experience. Mumbaikars for one are great with directions....I asked one person and was there...more often than not!! I had to meet my cousin and Family (CKF) at the airport and travel with him to Lonavala and meet up with everyone else who'd already gone there, the same morning. The drive to lonavala is the most beautiful one...awesome roads, beautiful surroundings, the ghats...its mesmerizing! Thank God for the expressway, we'd have been there in 2 hrs but for the traffic jam! It took us almost 4 hours to reach....the party was on. CKF looked visibly tired! They went straight to the room. And I to the venue. It was awesome to meet people after ages. And I mean after ages...I was surprised that so many people actually knew me even though I didn't remember too much about them. Almost a bit of a shocker!

The night was supposed to be an ice breaker night for the 2 families with the idea being that everyone should know everyone else...and it went off well. KSK and family showed how good a dancers they were by performing awesomely well choreographed sequences and we on the other side showed that dancing need not be choreographed as long as u enjoy the music and let go of urself!! (Psst: We were pathetic though...I have a video;)!)

Day 3 started off with me getting up early to see the sunrise....It was beautiful even though I was rather late. Standing in the balcony and looking at the sun coming up behind the hill infront, I couldn't help but feel lucky to be there...The place we stayed at, Fariyas, is a resort- a weekend getaway for a lot of mumbaikars. they have an awesome pool and even though I'd forgotten to carry my swimming trunks I managed to convert one of my shorts into swim wear and enjoyed the pool for almost an hr before the sumptuous breakfast. I had made quite a good appetite for it till then. I hogged on the salamis, the sausages, the eggs, the fruits and the juices. I probably looked like a person straight outta a food starved place.

The wedding was at 11. It was an Arya Samaj Wedding with most of the rituals in Hindi. It was a small affair- ended in about 1 hr. It was the best ceremony I’d ever attended. Short, simple and understandable. I slept the rest of the afternoon and the evening was just a formal dinner. By the end of the day I was soo sleepy that keeping my eyes open was proving to be difficult.

Sunday was when we came back to Mumbai. Mom came back early and caught a flight back to Delhi whereas me and dad came back later. We were with KM and family and had lunch with them at Ruchita’s wonderfully cozy one bedroom appt. Home food after such a long time tasted divine and I had to force myself not to hog ...yet again!!! I dropped dad at the railway station and took my flight back home the same night.

The 3 days did a lot of good to me. I was a little bogged down with work or maybe the lack of it …. This acted as such a welcome break! I was looking forward to meeting people..a lot of people after a longgg time….and I wasn’t disappointed. I met long lost family members, had great grub to eat and all this at a wonderful place. I was left craving for more by the time it ended. As they say….all good things have to come to an end for them to become memories….this sure would rank tight up there!!

Looking forward to “more” memories…….Nowz not forever……is it?

Problem....NO Problem!!

2006-11-03T10:13:00.000+05:30

The past few days have been crazily hectic. I go to work at 9 and come back at 9 ( ok i'm exagerrating...i come back by 7.30-8) and still end each day with a feeling of being wasted; as though i've done nothing...achieved zero! I wonder why is that happening to me??

Was in Delhi this past week....quite an enjoyable 7 days. Home food was the best part of it all. Met a few friends of mine from back home and also some MBA days classmates. Everyone has a story to tell about their work and I have nothing....am I doing nothing for real or am I not a good story teller??

The little work that i did these past 4 months....not a whole lot of people seem to be interested in wht I did. Is it me at fault for not being able to sit up and take notice or is it them who're at fault??

Questions questions......I shouldn've been in a pensive mood, especially in the situation i am in. I am not....I am happy. I really don't care as to what future holds for me...I wanna live for the now.I wanna enjoy the friends around, the late night talks on my free cell phone, the loud poojo happening right next to my house, the whiff of fresh air, the food I eat, my sleep...I wanna enjoy it all!

Enjoyment....this reminds me of Indian cricket team loosing the match to australia recently shattering all my plans for november TV viewing. I decided to pull off TV for a while and start reading. I managed to convince myself to purchase a book on my fifth visit to a book-shop. This was in October when i was in delhi.....I still haven't picked it up and started reading it. Books have a strange effect on me.....They make my eyes close for some reason.

And then I received another mail today... which i absolutely adored...It puts a lot of things which I often end up thinking about into perspective.....here is it.its dilbert whackiness at its best!!

Some of the one-liners from Dilbert...

1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.

6. I DON'T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, YOU HAVE A PERCEPTION PROBLEM.

7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thoughtto myself, "where the heck is the ceiling?"

8. My reality cheque bounced.

9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

10. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. (awesome abuse)

12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

14. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

15. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.

16. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. 18. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

22. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

23. Following the rules will not get the job done.

24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

25. Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.

26. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

27. Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.

28. If at first you don't succeed......skydiving isn't for you.

29. Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.

30. When everything is coming your way......you're in the wrong lane

Doesn't it all start to make sense....suddenly:). Now is not for ever..ENJOY!!!

Of Kolks..

2006-10-17T14:33:00.000+05:30

Ancient building, yellow cabs, busses that look like boats from inside, laid back individuals, murderous mobs, horrendous traffic, cheap food in variety, shoppers paradise....that Kolkata for you. You ain't seen it till u've SEEN it!

When I came to kolkata, I was told I would hate it and sure enough I did hate it. But Kolkata for what it is, grows on u. You suddenly realise that its not that bad....is it?? I would have loved this place was i not alone out here. There's something ...something that u just can't pin point. I'd like to call it the soul of the city.

The City : You want your cities clean and green; stick to Delhi. You want your cities, rich and impersonal; go to Bombay. You want them high-tech and full of draught beer; Bangalore's your place. But if you want a city with a soul: come to Kolkata.

The Kolkatan: Kolkata bong's are a more informed lot than anyone. The bus stops have notice boards where newspapers are put up everyday and people actually read them and not steal them. A kolkata bong is proud of his culture, which a lot of communities are not.Each morning, he will read at least two newspapers and develop sharply etched views on the state of the world. Each evening, there will be fresh (ideally, fresh-water or river) fish on his table. His children will be encouraged to learn to dance or sing. His family will appreciate the power of poetry. And for him, religion and culture will be in inextricably bound together.

The Traffic: The one scary thing about kolkata is the traffic.....heres a picture....

And this is usual here. So whenever u get out of ur house u gotta be patient and have time on hand.The taxis are jittery as though they were built without the shock absorbers so be sure that u haven't had a heavy meal when u sit in it lest u want it all to come out. The autos are a league apart. Blaring music!!! Yess....they'll have the best of the music systems in the autos and put it on full blast. Nights make the autos prettier or shud i say weirder. Small blinking lights...red, blue, green, yellow reminding u of Christmas or Diwali. It goes from one side to the other squeezing in between vehicles until there is absolutely no space to pass.The traffic jams last for hours.....they will move but at a snails pace.

The language: The city will make u familiar with bengali to the extent of u starting to atleast understand it....or atleast as my boss says....pretent to understand it. I do not understand anything...yet I speak with the guard at my office as though I am understanding all of wht he blurts out in bengali. and he does it day in and day out without realising it. You will not understand a kolkatans english either...you gotta pay real close attention.

Here's a comical mail that i received which explains a lot.I just had to put it here. (The following content has explicit language and requires parental guidance...)

"The Bonglomeration has risen in the past to fend of attacks from such savage races as the British and the Punjabis, who made the mistake of underestimating the capacity for violence in the Bengali, thanks probably to impressions formed based on Bengalis they personally knew. The following are transcripts of historic conversations.

Conversation 1: circa 1858
Lord Canning: Well, your Majesty, we now have to worry about ruling that bloody country.

Queen Victoria: Indeed, Lord Canning. I have no idea how we are to go about it. First of all, where in bblazes are we going to have a new capital?

LC: Don't worry m'lady. I have the perfect spot. Remember that town Cahl-cah-taa. The one that old Charnock stumbled on. I think it will be just marvellous.

QV: Why that place in particular.

LC: A little bit of research on my part, ma'am. The people who live in that god-forsaken place - Bungawlees I think they're called - are a bunch of spineless wimps. Wouldn't say boo to a goose. They'll give us no trouble at all, so its the safest spot on earth.

QV: How can you be so certain?

LC: I know a few of these Bungawlees myself. There's this chap Bonnerjee who takes shorthand at one of our offices - most subservient goose I ever met. Then there's Bose who practices law. Always gets shouted down by the judge and never says a word. Then there's...

QV: You've made your point, Lord Canning. Cahlcahtaa will be the new capital. I can see us ruling the bloody place for another millenium now.

Conversation 2: circa 1974
Gen. Yahya Khan: OYE! These bloody Bangalees have won! Oh meri maa ki ******. Abhi us Mujib ke bachhe ko dikhata hoon, behen****.

(Mujib answers phone)

Mujib: Hallo. Who eej thees?

YK: Oye, who eej thees ke aulad! Saale, mein tera baap bol raha hoon, madar****. You bloody phool. Just bikaz you er winning leckshun, you think we will allow you bh***********s into Slambad. Teri to...

M: Mishtar General Shaar. Pleej do not shwear like that. I am a bhadralok and I am bhery upshet at hearing shuch languages.

YK: Abbey ****. Abhi tujhe dikhata hoon. You bloody Bangalees will never be aybull to faarm a gvernmant.

M: Thish ij outrageoush. Bhe bhill oppoj thish infrigement on our bashic democratic rightsh. Bhee bhill phight on the shtreetsh. Cholbe naa, cholbe naa... (cut off)

YK: Dekh loonga, madar****.

Aide: Sir, agar woh bagawat shuru karein to mushkil ho sakta hai.

YK: Oh behen****. Woh kya kar lenge? Bahut behen**** Bangalee dekhein hai maine. Tu meri gaari nikal, Shahi Mohalla jaana hai.

"The rest, as they say, is history."

And in case I have given you the impression by the above extract, that Bengali men are as gentle as the Punjabis, you are right.......They are actually a race of well-bred intellectuals interested in art, culture and the finer things of life as mentioned previously. Gentlemen who watch and enjoy football, cricket and... What's that you say? Dravid is a better captain!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN??? DAD WAS WAYY BETTER....REMOVE CHAAPAIL!! BOKA*****, KH***** CH****, LA****** B***! MAAR SHALA KE! KAALO HAATH BHENGE DAO,etc etc....

P.s. I'm goin homeeee on the 19th....The abode of Punjabi brashness... here I come!!

Cartoon Cartooons

2006-10-12T12:47:00.000+05:30

Cartoons...I just love them. They help you forget everything, often passing on the subtlest of messages in the funniest of ways! Here are a list of cartoon strips that I admire in order of preference!!

1) Garfield- (Jim Davis) - the cool cat....lazy, hungry, cunning and lovable. Reminds me of me!!

2) Calvin and Hobbes -(Bill Watterson)- Explains life in the simplest of ways and makes u realise that life ain't as tough as u make it out to be.

3) Dilbert- (Scott Adams)- Makes complete sense of corporate life.Infact makes a mockery of it. A recent favourite!

Here's to the excellence of the 3 maestro's- Jim, Bill and Scott! Let the smiles flow forever.....

Its a Dog's Life!!!

2006-10-12T11:10:00.000+05:30

The other day, I was just talking to a friend and we got talking about dogs....yes dogs of all the things....just goes to show how much(read:little) work I do out here. Anyway, the person was a big dog lover and mentioned a few things which stuck! A dog's life they say...I guess we stand to learn a lot from it.... This one is for Dinky(she was my dog for the uninitiated)!! Might I say, 'Jump around' in peace!

IF A DOG WERE YOUR TEACHER You would learn stuff like.....

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.(when was the last time you did that?)
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a ride. (Get out!!)
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. ( Ok I admit...I do that)
When it's in your best interest -- practice obedience.(When it is in your best interest)
Let others know when they've invaded your territory. (Do not take shit from anyone)
Take naps and stretch before rising. (Naps are good)
Run, romp, and play daily. (U'll end up happier...trust me)
Thrive on attention and let people touch you. (U would stop getting it if u don't bask in the glory of it)
Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do. ( Bite when u have to... & Bite Hard!!)
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. (Take time out)
On hot days, drink lots of water and never get out of an AC room. (I already do that too)
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. ( Let everyone know that ur happy and the happiness doubles)
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout... run right back and make friends. (Friends & Family are all u have)
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. (Don't forget to smell for new things when on the long journey...try them if u have to)
Be loyal to your loved ones. (No matter what...)
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. (Heck.... Dig even if you don't know what lies beneath!)
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough. (This is my favourite)

Ooh Baby....Its heaven on earth!!!

2006-10-06T19:39:00.000+05:30

Statutory Warning:
1) This is gonna be long so brace yourself……:).
2) I haven’t read it over…so E&OE. Please to Bear…

I had been dreading the Pooja vacations we were to get. I’d heard people say that that’s one time when no one….NOONE in Calcutta stays at home. Now, anyone who has been to Calcutta would know that this is a crowded place… (And that’s an understatement). The prospect of facing scores of people isn’t exactly my concept of a holiday. So we thought of getting out of here……and get out we did. They say when you do something do it big. We planned a 3 day trip to Sikkim. The idea being to run away from the maddening rush. Here’s a small travelogue….

September 28th, 2006- We had booked ourselves on a Volvo bus which was to leave Calcutta at abt 6 pm and take us to Siliguri (I love the name of this place for some reason….Silly Guri). They said that normally it took about 12 hrs and a Volvo would get us there in about 10. So we decided to shell out those extra 500 bucks. I packed my stuff in my favorite blue adidas bag. (Its been places with me…). First look at the bus and I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow….It was a huge bus with rather uncomfortable seats and to top it all, it was pink in color....rather jazzy. 28th is the pre pooja day in Calcutta. We hoped that we’ll beat the traffic. It wasn’t to happen. We got stuck in the Cal traffic….2 hrs!I used the opportunity to make a few calls…I called my mom, dad, Mann(shez a very good friend...hails from siliguri) and a couple of other friends trying to make them jealous! It gave me a sadistic pleasure: D.

The lesser I talk abt the journey, the better it is…..It was horrendously uncomfortable…..!!! And to top it all the bus wala put on Himesh Reshamiya’s numbers…..yes an entire cassette……..TWICE! The bus stopped at abt 11 for dinner. Bhaat with dal and aaloo dom is the only thing they were serving…..I decided to skip and instead munched on a big bag of Lays which I bought for myself……I forced myself to doze off at about 12……

September 29th, 2006- Its 5 am and the bus stops again for morning tea. I wash my face at a hand pump and ask someone how long it’d take…. "5hrs at least!” came the answer. I walked up to the shop and bought a Tropicana litchi swirl for myself….I do not drink tea! The bus moved again and I dozed off. An hour later I thought I heard someone cry in pain…..I got up only to realize Mr. Reshamiya at his nasal best yet again……6 in the morning…!! I looked out and it was sunny…..I smiled to myself and started enjoying the songs for the first time. I was on a vacation!!

About 3 hrs later I could see tea gardens…small green bushes spreading the expanse. I thought it was a pretty sight…..there was more to come….a few minutes later I could also see hills on the background. I had to talk to someone…I called up Mann and spoke to her for a while till I could see a snow capped mountain….People said it was the Kanchanjunga….I asked Mann if it was….she should know…she is from here…and I got the weirdest response….” Oh yeah…..if it is white….so white that it hurts your eyes….You should carry sunglasses!!”

We reached Siliguri at about 11 am….after the 16 hr journey through the single laned potholed road or rather the “roady potholes”! The minute we got off a bus we were mobbed by touts….”Sir Gangtok…sir Gangtok??”, “Bolo Darjeeling, bolo Darjeeling”, “ Pelling Pelling……??”. I almost felt like a foreign tourist…. We decided to ignore everyone and passed through the sea of touts into a small dhaba and eat something. We ordered for aaloo paratha and what we got was a poori stuffed with something which was supposedly aaloo….15 bucks for each poori. I ate two and told myself that I was full! Then started the epic battle to get to Gangtok.

We jumped back into the sea of touts and struck a deal with one of the agents….A hotel in Gangtok @ 600 bucks a night + food for all three of us plus a drop to Gangtok at a hundred bucks. And this was after 1 hr of bargaining…..and I’m not kidding when I say 1 hour. We felt a sense of accomplishment.

It was a Sumo which had to take us all the way up to Gangtok…..120 odd kms and 5 hrs. I popped in an avomine and I was all set. Siliguri was hot…but then I am used to hot. Abdul, being from Bangalore was loosing it and fought with the Sumo driver for not moving. We started at about 1:30 pm. As we moved through the plains towards the hills, I caught myself smiling a lot of times. My first “unplanned” trip….I could sense that it was going to be a whole lot of fun….There had been a few landslides and the roads were bad…..It took us almost 6 hrs….the thing that first struck me as soon as we entered sikkim was a board which read… “Forget your worries, you’re in Sikkim!” I could see the teesta flow along all the way and it was really flowing…. Flowing water, Green mountains, Fresh air, Small towns….stuff that dreams are often made of!!

Another bone jerking, bum hurting journey came to an end at abt 6 in the evening and I could hear my bones crack as I got out of the sumo. It was dark already…..we walked up the main road and enquired about trips to Yumthang. We had already lost a day. The hotel, which was supposed to be 5 minutes from to city turned out to be 20 minutes but it was a neat hotel. We were so dead tired by then that we just dumped our bags in the room, had a bath and hit the sacks at 9…..next day was a big one.

Sikkimese are a happy bunch of people. I haven’t seen so many smiles at a time…ever.

September 30th 2006- I had a rather early morning….I woke up early and looked out of the window…..I was awestruck and felt insignificant looking at the mountains. We got dressed and went out for an early morning walk and went camera crazy. Little were we to know that the beauty which we saw then was not even a fourth of what lay ahead for us.

We left for Yumthang at about 11. It’s a 130 km…7 hr journey to the “Mini Switzerland of India”… (YES…that’s how the travel agent sold it to us…). We had a 10 seater waiting for us …..We got the back seats again. The drive is awesome…mountain after mountain….each one looking similar to the last one….the roads almost non existent…..but we dint seem to mind. The path weaves around the mountains in an almost serpentine manner…..the mountains are rich green with hardly a brown patch visible….Water drops down from the tops of these mountains from places which you’ll never get to see and leaves you wondering where it comes from…And u cross many such waterfalls…..each flowing down into the stream way down below which joins the mighty Teesta river. Every now and then one of these waterfalls gets furious and overflows onto the road making it difficult to cross. But the machine proves stronger and we splash across it. It’s almost as though the nature is daring man…. “This is it……one more step and you’ll see the fury…!” I’m glad I did not…Sikkim is almost like a forbidden land and I hope it remains that way.

We stopped en route on seven sister falls which is by far the biggest waterfalls I’ve seen off a mountain top. It was awe inspiring. Lunch was at a small place called Phodong. Guess what…? Bhaat and daal…By now I was sick of eating bhaat and I promised myself never to eat rice again for the entire length of the trip. By the time we reached Lachung,( that’s where we had to stay for the night) it was night……and the drive on those roads and at those heights was scary. It was cold and I felt it for the first time…..The houses and lodges around were rather snug…made of wood. The silence was bliss. You could hear the stream flowing right behind the room. The bathroom window opened to a view which no bathroom had ever seen….U could sit on the shit pot and actually enjoy the view to the extent of not wanting to get up….( I was on the 3rd and the top most floor). Dinner was a nice homely meal….aaloo and egg curry with Roti….bliss!! I don’t think I’ve had a sounder sleep than the one I had that night……

Sikkim as a state is divided into 4 parts…..North Sikkim is renowned for its untouched natural beauty. East Sikkim is the more touristy part and this is where we have the Nathula pass opening into China…South Sikkim is heavily under the Buddhist influence and has all the monasteries. West is the place to go if u are an adventure seeker. They’ve got trekking and river rafting…..people often trek upto the base camp of the Kanchunjunga.

October 1st, 2006- Another early morning. We were ready for a long day yet again. The Jeep drove us all the way up a mountain and then down to Yumthang which is a valley….often called the valley of flowers. We dint get to see any but April is when you get lots of them. The distance is about 24 kms and takes all of an hour and a half. The pictures say it all……Surrounded by mountains which are in turn enveloped by clouds….the green grass…the yaks feeding on them..the stream flowing right through the middle of the valley…..You can even see a snow capped mountain as u look into distance…..All this…12000 feet closer to heaven …..Dream!

We were told that the zero point (that’s where the vegetation ends….thats where the roads end as well…..)is about another 35 kms and a 2 hr drive…..straight up. As we drove up we could see the vegetation around change….from huge pine trees to green bushes which changed to red and then brown growing shorter and shorter in height and finally nothing but rocks....The view up there was breath taking….it looked a replica of the Yumthang Valley sans the greenery. It was as though it was the replica of it but someone had forgotten to put in the colors….only brown…and white as well….White for the snow.

Wwe were at 20000 feet above the sea and it was COLD. The breeze hit against our faces and it actually hurt….but we had snow around….the breeze was the least of our worries. We started making snowballs and started a fight…..we’d thrown about 5 alls and we started to pant……Nature taking over….the lack of oxygen!! “Enjoy the beauty I have …..Don’t fight!” It was time to go……we had a long journey back to Gangtok and it was getting cloudy….We started to barrel down the steep roads as it started to drizzle….shower….rain….pour…..It just kept getting harder and harder. Just when we thought that it couldn’t get any worse, it did! We had a flat tire….We parked the car at a corner and waited for it to stop raining…and waited…the memories of the journey back are rather hazy except the fact that we stopped for lunch at a place called Chungthang. This place had the awesomest movie hall ever…( I’m sure u’d have loved to watch a movie here…..@Gunjan). I slept through the rest of the way… We reached Gangtok at abt 8 and it was still drizzling. The next day we were supposed to come back…..Dead tired by now we decided we needed one more day of Sikkim…so we added October 2nd to the length of our vacation and I am glad we did.

October 2nd, 2006- We decided that since we’d come all this way, we couldn’t go back without going to the much hyped Nathula Pass. We found out that the same is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays…..2nd happened to be a Monday. Even on a regular day you need a personal as well as a vehicular permit to go there…..and only about 30vehicles are allowed each day. We decided to go around for some local sight seeing around Gangtok We booked a cab. The driver was a sikkimese name MikMah… (a as in “at”). He was with us for an entire day. He urged us to go to a place called Changu Lake… (Also spelt Tsomgo Lake). It was a lake up above in the mountains which got its waters from the melting snow….It is the most picturesque lake you’ll ever come across….While we were there we saw the clouds come in over the lake and engulf it. It was the most amazing sight ever. One minute you are looking at this beautiful lake….within a minute it was engulfed by a large white cloud. You could be forgiven to mistake it for smoke…..It was as though nature was reminding you again that it has the power of protecting its beauty from you. It was the most belittling moment in more ways than one.

We moved from there towards a place called “Baba mandir”. A legend goes which says that there was a sikh soldier who slipped and fell into a stream while on a patrol. His body wasn’t recovered. One night, one of his mates had a dream and saw this guy who told him to make a “Samadhi” at a particular place. So this mandir for him at his request. Every night, it is believed, that his soul comes alive and guards the area surrounding the mandir. The legend itself is enough to amaze you…Add to it the beauty of the place and the surroundings that it’s built in. Words or pictures can’t describe it.

We saw some yak wala’s around and Abdul and Nitesh tried sitting on them. They looked funny….!

We drove back all the way to Gangtok. It took us about another 2 hrs. It was lunch time till then. We had momos (10 bucks for a plate….can u beat that???) for lunch and moved on to Rumtek monastery. I had been specifically told that the monastery is exceptionaly beautiful by Mann….And I wasn’t disappointed. It is one of the most peaceful places I’ve ever been to.

I walked around the entire monastry…got a picture clicked with two monks…even got to see a small prayer happening. It was just two monks sitting and praying. I saw the young monks sitting and reciting their lessons. Just an amazing feeling walking around there!!! I sat there for a good 1 hour looking at people move about. Gave me a strange sense of inner peace and calm.

We came back to gangtok by 7. Decided to have an early dinner….we went into this hotel called the Tashi Delek. It had the most awesome of roof tops restaurant that I’ve ever seen….Just imagine….Night sky littered with millions of stars…a half moon….dark shadowy huge mountains in front tittered with yellow lights in front. As you look to the right…all you see is specks of lights as though fireflies…..it was infact the lights of Gangtok.. The realization dawned then….the trip's coming to an end….An awesome 72 hrs….!!

October 3rd, 2006- We decided to get up late….it was raining again. We took a 12 o’ clock cab back down to siliguri. The driver was a maniac. He drove at speeds of 60 on the mountain curves….While coming it’d taken us abt 5 hrs ….we reached the siliguri bus stand in 3and half hrs flat. The bus was at 7…..we had time on our hands…we had a little something to eat at one of the dhabas. We had 3 hrs and nothing to do……I remembered Mann telling me that in Siliguri we have to visit the Hong Kong Market….We asked someone and we reached the place…and all I could see was shops which were selling cloth. I was wondering why would she send me to a cloth market…..I called her up and demanded that she tells me a better place. She sounded taken aback and directed me to A place called Millennium Paradise. It was supposedly a bowling alley. We asked around and were promptly directed and ended up in front of a shop called millennium sports. The three of us with our back packs on our shoulders looking at each other as though we’re fools. Called Mann up for directions again and finally reached a place with a huge board….”MILLENIUM PARADISE”….we walked closer and saw a smaller one… “to let for sale”. Limits…..the auto wala took pity on us and dropped us to the ISKON temple where we managed to somehow spend 2 hrs. We happened to go in for a light and sound show which started with a girl dancing to the tune of a bhajan sang in the tune which reminded you of “ Kajraare”!! But it was fun…time pass…..

The 7 o’ clock bus waited for us and as we sat in it….we knew it was all over. We hardly spoke for about half an hour. Passed on our camera and gazed at the pictures. I suddenly commented…..” The pictures aren’t half as pretty as the place…!” Abdul and Nitesh just smiled in agreement.

Food for Thought

2006-10-04T18:08:00.000+05:30

This is something which I thought of while on my way back from siliguri on the 16 hr long "irritatingly bum-hurting" bus ride......

Given an opportunity;........ would you change anything in the life you've had??????

If YES.....why haven't you made the changes yet.....??
If No.....why do you say you're unhappy??

DNA, Dor and More!!!!

2006-09-26T16:06:00.000+05:30

Martina hingis V/s Sania Mirza turned out to be quite a dampner. I was glad that there were other matches scheduled for the same day. How can anyone loose so tamely?? Well I guess thats Indian sports for you....Hockey, Cricket, Tennis...ummm (do we play any other sport?? Shooting is hardly a sport....!!). There's something majorly wrong in our very DNA. We, as a race, give in easily where we need to be aggressive. The aggression is saved for people we least need to be fighting against.....eachother! And we end up feeling proud of ourselves. ......A sense of false achievement!

Talking about achievement, the other day I got appreciated by my bosses...apparantly for the "contingency planning" I was supposed to do for the renovation of one of the Airtel Showrooms in calcutta. It felt nice....but the corrupted DNA played up again and I ended up telling them that i took a lot of help from a person in the Delhi Office; when the truth of the matter was that I did it all on my own.....with some very vital help from vikram, who happens to be one of my bestest friends. I wonder why is it so difficult to accept appreciation. I almost turned red when I heard the words "Good Job!"

Sunday was lazy. I happened to go watch a movie with Abdul which otherwise I wouldn't ever go for. Abdul wanted to see it and I had nothing better to do...so we went. "DOR". A rather intelligent movie. Its got a lot of massages which come out in a very subtle manner. Gul Panag and Ayesha Takia are pretty good. Shreyas Talpade stands out and shines. I have not seen any movie lately without any male actors in lead role. I just love the song "Yeh Honsala". A must watch for a real movie lover...... trust me you'll not regret this!

I received a mail today. Well...I do receive a lot of mails but this one made me think. I usually just delete the fwds I get but I just happened to read this and found it very familiar. It was the exact same mail which I'd gotten about 4 years back and I'd taken a print out of it then and put it up in front of my desk....I just have to post is here.

1) Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

2) Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

3) Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

4) Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

5) When you say, "I love you", mean it.

6) When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

7) Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

8) Believe in love at first sight.

9) Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much

10) Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

11) Don't judge people by their relatives.

12) Talk slowly but think quickly

13) When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

14) Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

15) Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

16) When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

17) Remember the three R's:

Respect for self;

Respect for others;

Responsibility for all your actions.

18) Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

19) When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

20) Spend some time alone.

Read all of them if you've skipped it....I'm absolutely in love with it...It goes in front of my desk yet again....4 years and I still loved each and every point it has. Some things just get better with time!

Smiles all around...Now is not forever!!!

Raindrops keep falling on my Head....

2006-09-21T12:13:00.000+05:30

Thurday Morning....I woke up to the pleasant sound rain pelting down on my window. I got up and opened it. It was pouring heavy. A gust of wind and I got a faceful of rain water bringing a smile onto my face. "This is gonna be a good day!!" I jut love rain. I can sit and watch it rain for hours but I hate to get wet. I did watch it rain today, but it wasn't for hours coz I realized that if I didn't get moving I'd be late for work.

Abdul, my roomate, was already up and ready and doing something which I didn't bother to pay attention to. 30 mins is what I take to get ready in the morning. (I don't time myself but its almost a routine....brushing my teeth, a daily shave, going through Calcutta Times while doing "other" work and finally the bath...I guessif it weren't for Calcutta tilmes i'd manage the routine sooner.....but thats not the point!!) The smell of curry leaves being fried greeted me as I stepped out in my towel. Abdul was infact, preparing Lemon Rice for breakfast. I smiled again at the prospect of having something other than those godforsaken 12 buck "veg sandwiches". We get that at the Monginis, close to our office. We got our gas rolling a couple of days. Ghar ka khaana is soo much better! I'm done with eating out everyday.

Its Pooja time!! And I'm in Cal.....all I can hear people around me talk is how do we decorate, how do we organize, what do we wear, what do we eat, where do we go. Pooja is still a week and half away!! And its not just the people....its the radio stations as well....I heard a radio station give out tips to the listeners to ensure that their kids don't get lost during Pooja!! Made me realize the enormity of the celebrations I am in for..... If this is the build up, I can't wait to see what the real thing would be like.

Which reminds me....there are a lot of things I am looking forward to. Life's suddenly goten better.. we have the tickets for the Sunfeast Open in Cal. I'm gonna watch Sania Mirza play Martina Hingis if all goes well! and I have baseline seats...anyone coming? My presentation for my project happens next week as well. I usually wouldn't be this excited for it but for some reason I am looking forward to it. Here's the big one.... next thurday evening, we leave for the much awaited vacation to Sikkim. We've been planning this ever since we came here and its finally happening. I already have the tickets done for siliguri and we'll backpack from there....anyone coming? Hey october starts with me moving into sales which I am agian lookin forward to.....A real good friend comes down in mid october ...I hope we get time off to meet up! Come Diwali, I am back in Delhi....saddi dilli!! I can't wait for that either....

Life suddenly doesn't look like the negro's left ball!!!!! It was still drizzling when we left for work and for a change I did not mind getting wet.....

But Then I'm reminded...Now is not forever!! I better get back to enjoying my now..My coffee waits....:)

Zindagi Rocks...

2006-09-17T03:26:00.000+05:30

"Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian"

I get back to my favourite topic....understanding life as we are.I read the above quote somewhere and I just fell in love with it!! You can't ever be sure of what is in store for you on the next corner.More often than not, what meets you is not what you expected. One tends to....well on second thoughts let me change it....I tend to associate this unexpectency with a certain degree of discomfort. And this in turn, makes my life seem rather tragic. Tragedy...half of which is self created and self inflicted!!

Lets take for example my desire to get back to Delhi. If I ask me why do I want to go back...I have no concrete answers! Yes it is my family....but haven't I stayed without them earlier?? Don't a lot of others stay without them?? Yes there are my friends....but are they a reason good enough??? I think it is the comfort....but am I uncomfortabale here?? A perfect example of self inflicted misery!! I could be happy for the fact that I've gotten to be independant...i have an opportunity to learn and grow.....i have an opportunity to discover new places...But I choose not to look at it and feel miserable abt being in kolkata!

I received a forward the other day which made me laugh and think at the same time....It was just a one liner and read:

Life is like a negro's left ball.....Its neither fair nor right!

True...wouldn't u say too?

Its almost end september......time for me to wrap up my project in CSD here..CSD=Custer Service Delivery!! I was with my boss the other day and we were talking abt work stuff. He just happened to mention at the end of the meeting a simple line which has energized me into taking up newer things before finishing off. A Simple line like...."Don't leave HR...U'll be an excellent HR person!!" I'm actually proud of myself...! 3 months in kolkata....time for a bit of reflection and learning....

Being happy does not mean that everything is perfect, It means that you have decided to look beyond imperfections.
Unhappiness is directly propotional to the difference between your self concept and the expectation from you. The greater difference the more the unhappiness.
Question the status quo. If everything seems ok, there is something wrong!!!
Expect the unexpected and u'll never be shocked!
In order to get your work done, you have to make the other person feel important.
Hard work always gets appreciation.....but looks matter! You need to do things which make others feel that you have worked hard!!!
Confidence is important. It is the key to success.
Proactiveness works wonders!
Greet everyone ...irrespective of who he/she is and do it with a smile.It pays!!
If you wanna succeed, enjoy what you do else start looking around!!
If you think you've got it all figured.....think again and wait for the next corner!!!

Nowz not forever:)

Lets Talk Food Baby!!

2006-09-09T12:30:00.000+05:30

Here's the deal...the previous post...A very dear friend of me who tagged me promptly informs me that I had to do it differently....Missy not doing it firse...too much effort!!

Too much effort reminds me of "eating fish"!! Trust me....the calories you burn searching for the bones in a piece are more than what the godforsaken piece will give you! No wonder it's "The recommended Meat"!! This last sunday my landlord happened to call me to his house for this feast that he had organized. One of my roommate's hates bengali food to the extent that he refused.. sayin that he had an upset tummy.

Now me and this other room mate of mine were left looking at eachother with no option but to go. Come Sunday we dressed in our smartest best clothes and reached his house only to realise that everyone else whas in Kurta pajama's....white one's!!And I was there...in my orange T shirt and blue jeans..."standing out" in the crowd. If there's one place where i didn't want to stand out...This was it!!

We were ushered in by some bengali speaking servants of his and taken to a room where we saw 3 old ladies sitting on the bed. We were asked to sit on the bed....The 3 ladies looked as lost as us. It was yet another awkward moment...i looked around and could only see females(read aunties) running around. I couldn't see a single male member....!! I wondered if we were supposed to stay on the ground floor as well....We moved out to the balcony before the ladies started bombarding us with questions which we half understood...

**THe bad part - Noone except my landlord speaks hindi in his house, or was that the good part???**

Luckily I did see the landlord's son standing there. He is an adorable 8 yr old ...extremely mild mannered for an 8 yr old. He wanted to play "catch-catch" with us...we were more than glad to entertain him. 5 minutes in and me having dropped 2 catches, a person comes out and tells us ....in bengali....that we need to go up and we complied.We saw people sitting in a line on huge tables waiting eagerly to be fed. We were duly alloted seats in the center of the room which made us the objects of attention!! If we were lost before, this almost scared us. All we could hear was people chattering away to glory and shouts to "jhol" and "lucchi" reverberating the room. I guess those are the only two words we could understand! Don't worry...you will too if u come to calcutta....the two most famous dishes in Calcutta!

The first thing we were served was salt and lemon...yes in the plate that i was supposed to eat. Next came some kinda red colored chutney made of some weird vegetable..I'll never know, it tasted pretty ok though! I for one am not a big rice eater...and thats exactly what i was served next. And then there was nothing for a while...I looked at my friend and then around and saw all these people mixing the red thing with the rice....Not knowing what to do i did it as well.. . the feeling was almost that of me in a foregn land eating foreign food. What followed wsa typical bong food....dal, aaloo "dom", "maach"(without bones), "maach"(with bones) and more "maach"(with lots of bones). O ya...did I forget to mention...there were no spoons!!!!

After all was done, there were "mishti". Had I known we'd be getting so much of it, I'd have skipped the "maches"!! I love Cal for its sweets and only its sweets. Awesomest rosogulla....divine sandesh.....yumm ...slurpppp. Okay, lets move away from food!

Its been 3 months and a lil more in Cal for me.....Howsoever much I might crib about the place it does have its own charm. The people are always friendly, the taxi walas don't try and cheat you, the food is awesome, the city is cheap and there is soo much to explore. It ain't that bad a place....but I still miss Delhi! 3 months compared to 9 YEARS...and you still wonder why, you still ask me why....!!?? :)

More lataaa...Nowz not for ever!

2006-09-05T12:19:00.000+05:30

Grrrr....tagged!!! I hate answering questions about myself which make me think.....

1. How does the world see you?
See...??? The world sees a 5'10" tall guy who happens to be uncannily bulky. Someone who has his priorities clear and someone who'd like to see everyone around him smile.

2. Will I have a happy life?
I sure will...I'll make sure that I end up having one....come what may...I'm a strong beleiver in living the life in just one way....with a smile on your face.

3. What do my friends think of me?
I wish I could get into their minds and find that out....stoopid question!!

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
errr...I wish they do:). do you ...do you??? this is stoopid question no. 2

5. How can I make myself happy?
loll....there can be interpretations to this question!!! I would say its got to do with your attitude...and how you look at things..!

6.What should I do with my life?
Live it up....!!!

7. Will I ever have children?
I hope I will....! But this is another stoopid question....no. 3

8. What is some good advice for me?
Loosen up!!

9. How will I be remembered?
Kisi ki muskurahaton pe ho nisaar
Kisi ka dard le sako to le udhaar
Kisi ke vaste jo tere dil mein pyar
...Jeena isi ka naam hai!!

10. What’s my signature dancing song?
Shamur- Let the Music Play

11. What’s my current theme song?

I love this one...You gotta read and understand the lyrics!!!

Aerosmith --- Dream on!

Every Time I look in the mirror

All the lines on my face getting clearer
the past is goneIt went like dust to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues to pay

I know what nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know its everybodys sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life is in books written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know its true
All the things come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if its just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

Dream on, Dream on
Dream yourself a dream come true
Dream on, Dream on
Dream until your dreams come true
Dream on ...Dream on....Dream on...

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if its just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

12. What do others think is my current theme song?
Knocking on Heavens doors...Coz its mah Hullo tune!!:P

13. What shall they play at my funeral?
Rote hue ...aate hain sab
Hasta hua jo jayega
Woh Muqqadart ka sikandar....Jaaneman Kehlaayega

Oh yea....I'm gonna die laughing!

14. What type of men/women do I like?
I dont even understand this question....Stoopid question no. 4

15. How’s my love life?
Errr...non existent.... dare I say!?

HATE IT...LOVE IT...CAN'T IGNORE IT

2006-08-29T13:07:00.000+05:30

Weird thing….I’m actually starting to enjoy my stay in Calcutta. Crib as much as I may, but I am glad that I came here*. This statement however comes with a star if you look closely.

* This however, does not mean that I do not want to go back to Delhi. Delhi is much better any day.

Getting back to the point, Kolkata’s never short of action. If it’s not anything else, it’ll be the rains which will bring the action into your life. Torrential is the word…I haven’t seen as heavy a downpour in my life ever. Just when u think it can’t get heavier it does…and just when you think it wouldn’t stop it does. It rains for 20 mins half an hour and then abruptly stops.

I’ve found this really cool bowling joint in Kolkata**. Not very expensive and it has beer too. (Not that I am a beer guzzler, but it always helps to increase the fun you’re having). So I usually spend my saturday evenings there.

** Cool by Kolkata standards, which as a matter of fact aren’t very high.

Talking about action…Rakhi Sawant was in Kol this past weekend. Now that’s some serious action for people here. The tickets were going for 600 bucks a person***!!! They were serving drinks too....

***(Okay…I admit I did ask for the price….but it was more because of me getting bored than anything else! I AM NOT A RAKHI SAWANT FAN!!)

Watched Ahista Ahista this weekend as well….decent flick…a lil slow!! But I guess, I should’ve understood that by the name …..Soha Ali looks good and acts well! I think shez the prettiest thing to happen after Preity Zinta… You gotta see it….its different….realistic :).

I also managed to get stuck in the rain a couple of days back. As a matter of pride, I refuse to carry an umbrella with me. I used to hate it in school and I hate it now. Then I had no option….now I do. However, all who’ve been in Kolkata would consider me stoopid after reading the statement that I just made. I don’t care….I wouldn’t be seen dead with an umbrella in my hand….not now…not ever! I guess I have something against umbrella’s!

Now…. Kolkata is dirty….and rains make it dirtier….The roads give in, there’s water logging everywhere and there are cars still driving at 60 kmph splashing the muddy rain water on you.

Here are a few facts…rather laws regarding Kolkata …!

The probability of a passing by car/bus splashing muddy water on you is directly proportional to the importance of the occasion you are dressed up for.
Between any two potholes there is always a road.
If matters get worse, one pothole is always bigger than the other
The depth of the pothole is inversely proportional to the product of its visibility and the speed you are driving at.
No matter what you wear….No matter where you go….No matter what you do…you WILL get wet.
No matter what you do, you cannot avoid a pothole. Avoiding one will lead you into another.
Always be ready to take your shoes off and walk it. When it rains, there will be waterlogging and you will have to do it.
No matter what you do, your clothes will never dry!!

Hey did I mention that I tried crab soup?? It looked more like a normal sweet corn with egg in it….I had to search for the crab in it with a magnifying glass which I forgot to carry with me….! The pieces were so small that they dint even have a taste….Disappointing crab!

Works going ok…september’s the D-month. Gotta finish my work by then…so a lil more seriousness has to come in….Can’t see it coming from anywhere.

More soon…..coz now is not forever!

The Convenience of Security!!

2006-08-17T15:29:00.000+05:30

I was home this past weekend. “Home” … just the thought of it makes you end up smiling. The flight in to Delhi seemed the longest flight that I’ve ever taken; and this in spite of the awesome cookies that were served, the unusually pretty airhostesses (I was on Spice Jet) and the great view looking out of the plane window(night flight). Delhi was divine…friends, family, “familiar strangers”, the broad roads that I know, the blue Wagon R, familiar music, familiar language, great food…that’s what I call home!!

That incidentally reminds me….I kinda forgot to tell a friend of my vacation plans. So here’s an official apology!! I know you’re gonna tell me in that sing-song tone of urs… “Look, Its ok!!” I know it ain’t…! It shouldn’t be!!! You oughta just tell me that you didn’t like it....Please… you have that right!!!

Delhi, most papers said, was almost a guarded fortress this time around. Paunchy policemen with never used rifles stationed at almost every corner. Shaky traffic barricades on all major roads resulting in long serpentine queues of Toyotas Mercs Hondas Skodas and the likes. Rickety white gypsies with sirens and sleepy looking cops assumingly ‘patrolling’ the city! Yeah…I felt really safe!!

I was to fly back in Air Deccan on the 16th. My first experience with the airlines and I was looking forward to it. India’s No. 1 low cost airlines and I was looking forward to flying it. Now 'low cost' we all know in our country means poor service. Security issues make it worse!!

The check-in counters had huge lines. Seemed as though the boarding cards were being distributed for free. I went and stood in one of the queues hoping that mine would move faster…I had this eerie dejavu feeling. That’s when I realized that I used to get the same feeling standing in the queue to get my DTC bus pass made!! Rs. 12.50 for 1 month!!!

I rechecked if I was in fact I was in the right queue. I have this habit of standing in the wrong queue and not realize it till very late. This one counter in the corner looked empty …I broke off and walked to the counter.

LADY: Yes sir?
ME: Errr….I have this ticket….I mean a print out.
(I passed the infinitely times folded paper to her. She looked at me with disgust and I pretended to look away. )
LADY: ID!
ME: Excuse me!
LADY: (sternly) Where is your ID proof!?
ME: (fumbling in my pockets) Here!!
(She looks at the I Card and then at me…and then again at the I-card and at me….)
ME: That’s me….!! (Trying to make a face similar to the one I’d made on the photograph).
LADY: (Prints the boarding card looking very disappointed…makes the grumpiest face possible) Thank You for flying Air De@#$#$!@!. (I couldn’t hear the last part properly coz it was mumbled!!)

I walked off with a sense of achievement. I strode towards the security check with my bag on my shoulder only to fine another DTC buss pass look alike queue. And this one didn’t seem to have an end! So I stood there and about 20 minutes later I could see 2 paunchy security men frisking people as though feeling them up and rampaging through the handbags. By the time I could realize it…I was the next.

SG: What’s in the bag?
Me: Umm... Clothes!!
SG: Anything else….? Gels, toothpaste, any liquid??( sounded robotic)
Me: Don’t think so!
SG: (mockingly) who will know then??(Opens it up and starts going through my stuff…essentials and everything)
Me: (Embarrassed) there’s nothing!!
SG: (stuffs everything back in in the worst manner possible and puts it in the XRAY machine as though it’ll show something else!): That way….!(angrily) Put your mobile in the machine!!

I move to the other guard who asks me to empty my pockets and moves this funny looking beeping instrument across my body and then frisks me as though he were getting some kinda pleasure outta it!! I weave my way through feeling…errr….molested ….only to see another serpentine queue for the boarding! It’s been an hour and a half since I entered the airport!! I wonder how much longer it’s gonna take!

I move up and get my bag checked again! What the SG! And the ex-ray can’t do, Mr. SG-2 will do!! So he calls me out of the line and starts emptying my bag again…IN A CORNER!!!! I protest…he says “security”. So I shut up and let him do what he has to do!! A man’s gotta do what he’s gotta do!! He puts it all bag and hands it back and points at me as though telling me... “I’ll get ya next time!!” I move to the bus…..dog tired by now. I get a push from behind by a person trying to get in the bus. And I get the DTC feeling yet again!!

SECURITY – Is this the cost of it??

Beauty...how much is too much?

2006-08-12T00:41:00.000+05:30

Do you love me because I'm beautiful,
or am I am beautiful because you love me?

I read this a while back and it made me think.....What is beauty?? Who defines it??? Masses or me? Is there a limit..?? How much is good for you??

Here are a few pics for you...I think all and I repeat ALL of them are beautiful!!

Sonmarg....i was mesmerised by the green!

That is a real picture....Ladakh. Mesmerised by the Brown!!

This is Real too...heard of heaven on earth?? Mesmerising BLUE!!

Keep looking...Beautiful!! Ain't it??

Rowing towards the destiny....Mesmerising Gray!!!

Thats Calcutta for the uninitiated!

Black mesmerises too!

Dream on...!!

2006-08-08T17:55:00.000+05:30

I was watching Austin Powers the other day (For the umpteenth time. I love the movie!!). The spy happened to have a diary which was a ready reckoner for him. He had written about things that he wanted to do in his life. One of the points happened to be "Have threesome with Chinese twins".

Funny...ehh...?? But he wrote what he had to write and did what he had to do! Here are a few things that I wanna do. My list is not half as weird and not half as interesting as Mr. Powers'. But here goes...

1) Bungee Jump off the top of a bridge. (I’m afraid of heights yet I rilly wanna do this)
2) Go snorkeling in the Caribbean. (The pictures are wayyy too tempting)
3) Paraglide (It’d be just awesome to loose all control and just floatttt….)
4) Open a restaurant of my own which has an awesome ambience, great grub and most importantly liquor at reasonable rates.(Hanji sir, we sure will own it...)
5) Go on an unplanned "flash" trip to anywhere in my very own SUV.(Gotta have willing people with me though!)
6) Own a bungalow/flat by the seaside with a window in my bedroom opening to the fresh sea breeze. (One day!! ONE DAY!!….I just love the sea. I have an office overlooking a lake but it’s not nearly the same!)
7) Travel on a luxury cruise liner. (Ultimate definition of an accentuated vacation for me)
8) Sit on a Rollercoaster that does 360’s!(The thrill would be unparalleled)
9) Visit Disneyland (Always wanted to…even now. Who wants to tag along? Wouldn’t find too many takers!!)
10) Get sloshed just for the heck of it. (Just to see what it feels like….)
11) This one is very close to me.....Smile for an entire day and see everybody around me smile as well! (I seriously hope tis one comes true)

Smile on!!!! Coz u know…Nowz not forever!!

Days Go On and ON!!

2006-08-04T15:21:00.000+05:30

This'll be long. I had this weird urge to write something today. I doesn't usually happen to me...but I guess today was just one of those days! I was feeling miserable all of yesterday. Reason? Coz I was thinking a lot. Thinking...it makes me grouchy!! Here's an account of a normal day for me..

It starts with me waking up at 8 in the morning and getting done with the 'usuals' by about 9. Thats also when I have my breakfast delivered at the doorstep everyday.More often than not I know what'd be inside those cardboard dabbas...Rotis with aaloo ki sabzi. Yup...thats my breakfast ...day after day....week after week!! I'm sure the caterer has done a Diploma in aaloo cookery. I haven'thad as much aaloo in my entire 25 years.Sundays are a respite as the guy does not deliver on Sunday and I can have whatever I feel like or nothing at all!

I gulp it down in 10 mins as though its a medicine often not even cherishing the taste (very uncharacteristic of me).I walk to the same auto shop and take an auto which takes 15 mins to take me to office. The autos are weird here. They have a concept of shared autos. 3 people at the back and 2 in the front with the driver. The traffic is horrendous. I don't forget to thank God every day for making me see one more day! I reach office by about 9:40. The first thing I do is open my mails and hope against hope that somebody remembered me. Often all I end up reading are "fwds" and "All at Kolkata" mails. 10's when I start to think ...what next? I call it the "what next" analysis!

Almost every alternate day I try and meet my boss. I have a 17% success rate!Which means I get to meet him 17 times out of a 100 tries;which I must add is pretty god going considering how busy he is. The boss...I think he thinks faster than he can talk so often what he is trying to imply goes right over me reminding me of the "Financial Accounting" ke lectures. Its almost the same "clueless" feeling. I often walk out feeling," I wish I hadn't gone in!"Having done what I needed to do I come back and do the "What next" analysis again. Often it ends up in me staring at the montitor for an hour and surfing random sites.

I do go on regular "data hunts" as well. Its for the numbers I need for my project to make it look like a project which has been worked upon. My strike rate here is even poorer 0.17% would be more like it.I often get shooed away by people... I now know what dogs feel like when I shoo them off. At times ( & I repeat at times) I do get what I am looking for. Its more out of poeple getting irritated with my persevearance than anything else.U know...its the "jobless-guy-will-pester-give-data" feeling that they probabaly go through when they see me.

Once I have what I want, I sit with it and start going through people's blogs. Today I'm updating mine as well. Its more like waiting for the clock to strike 1 coz thats when I get to eat!! (One of my favouritest things in life nowadays!). An hour is the lunch time which often extends to 2.
I come back to my seat determined to work ....a little. So what do i do....... I look at the data. Open the excel and strt working atleast pretending that I am working. Ofcourse I need my breaks coz pretending to work is tough....U try it!!I always have my internal messenger open. I've learnt quite a bit in excel...thanks to a friend of mine and I keep testing my newly attained knowledge on the numbers in front of me. Its 5 and the wait for the clock to strike 6 starts. Dot 6 and I'm outta there!

Reach home by 6:30 and then an hour for the TV.I either get bored of it by then or I just sleep off on the couch. Often I go sit on the net for while and check again if anyone remembered me! Orkut helps a lot....connect to my world!!!Kolkata still feels awesomely alienic (thats my term for aliener that alien)

8:30 dinner...we have a fixed list of 5 restaurants around our house where we go on a rotational basis and also depending on the financial condition which in my case happens to be poor all the time..and especially now that I purcashed the N 70!!My usual dinner...Egg Chicken Fried rice...each plate of which costs me 28 rupees!I come back and get back to my "what next" analysis.

Thats when the phone comes in handy and so does the 3000 rupees of free calls each month...thanks to airtel!Some lucky people get to here from me...but then I fear that they'd start to think in terms of "jobless-guy-will-pester-haveto-talk". So I get off and put on my headphones with the music playing till I am ready to doze off!

I don't even know if I should be complaining!!

An Ode to Inspiration!!

2006-07-31T12:07:00.000+05:30

eThe other night I was talking to a friend of mine and she happened to read out something which stuck with me. It was a simple poem which made a lot of sense. It’s titled “Inspiration”. As per the dictionary….Inspiration is an agency, such as a person or work of art etc., that moves the intellect or emotions or prompts action or invention. I specially like the last part of this definition.

But here’s a question….How do you get inspired?? Here’s the poem:

INSPIRATION

Bruce-with eyes growing wider
Watched d persevering spider
Then rose,
And swiped the invading army on the nose.

Newton-sitting on a rugged wall
watched an autumn apple fall
And found
That gravity to the ground.

Watt-observing someone's kettle
Boiling near the chimney settle
Designed-
A patent engine that amazed mankind.

Me-! I have looked at spiders toiling,
Apples falling, kettles boiling
My hat!
If I could only think of things like that.

Read the last part again….I just love it!

Was it the spider who inspired Bruce?? Was it the apple which inspired Newton?? Was it the Kettle that inspired Watt??? I think not……here’s Calvin putting things to perspective.

He does put things into perspective in the subtlest of ways? Doesn't he???

Birthday UNbash

2006-07-28T12:30:00.000+05:30

It’s been two months around here, and I still wouldn’t even be pressurized into partially accepting that I am enjoying my stay around here. Life’s tough; and staying in Kolkata has underlined that fact. I have all the money that I want but the struggle never seizes. Struggle to get a decent breakfast, struggle to get to the office, struggle to get appointments and meet people, struggle to lay your hands onto the data that you want, struggle to make sense out of it, struggle to show it to your boss and on days struggle to actually find something concrete to do. I am not whining. Its an experience. You gotta enjoy while the good things last for you coz you never know when life might take a turn for the worse. Its like a sailboat. Make merry while the favourable winds last…!

Here’s something I really wanted to write about.

23rd of July….12:00 AM. A table is laid under the stars with a delicious 2 kg black forest cake. People gathered around…some you know and the others you don’t even know! Friends pull you out of your room…grab your phone and switch it off. You cut the cake and before u can even realize what’s happening you are smeared with it…so bad that you wouldn’t even recognize yourself if you were to look in a mirror. You’d think that the worst is over. But in come 10 people, pick all 85kgs of you up as though you were lighter than a feather. What follows is you being thrown up and down 24 times making you feel like a crazy ball by the end of it. And then starts the night long celebrations…loud music, great grub and lots of dancing/jumping around!

Awesome time na? That was last year…. Complete opposite of it happened this time. This 23rd was just another day except for my friends remembering me and calling me up and making me special and cared for. Out of sight is not always out of mind!! Thanks to all those who remembered and well to those who didn’t….you can start feeling miserable about it from NOW.

For the records, here’s how the 23rd went….Sleep late, get up early (primarily due to the phone calls), A lunch treat for my roommates (they remembered too), a ferry ride on the hooghly (pretty awesome …I’ll put up some pictures soon), movie at INOX (Pirates of the Caribbean) and finally rounding the day off with pizzas for dinner (Thank God for Dominoes). All in all…a sober, decent day! A big change..!!

I miss my hostel……but nothing lasts…does it?? Now’s not forever!!!

Kolkata...."rolls" on!!!

2006-06-20T17:56:00.001+05:30

The wee hours of the 8th of June was when I saw this city for the first time....the city which is to be my home for the next 6 months. I walked out of the airport to see drops of rain...were they signifying anything? I'd hope not...!

I had a car waiting for me outside and as soon as I read my name on the board I couldn't help but smile.....I had worked hard for this day...!The person took my bag to a guesthouse where i'm staying. I've gotten so used to the comfort of living at home. now that I have stepped out I realize how thankful I am for the life I've had.....for the delicious food my mom makes, for the washed clothes i got everyday, for the clean room I stayed in, for the TV i watched, for the PC I had....I miss it all!!!

Having said that, I don't have too much to complain....atleast not yet...!!Food in Calcutta is .....umm....lets say different. I just love the "rolls" around here..and eat a whole lot of them. So I ain't getting any thinner...! You have to be in Kolkata to appreciate things around here. You would hate it to start of with and then you’d realize….hang on …its not all that bad a place…Here are a few things which amazed me about the city.

The pace….people never seem to be in any sort of a hurry. Horrific traffic, slow moving trams, bad roads….yet, noone complains…ever!
The people….. considering the awesomely hot and humid weather, not to mention the shabby infrastructure I already mentioned, you would expect people to have a really short temper. But no…I haven’t seen 2 bengali’s fight yet…and its been almost 5 days! Probably they are too lazy to fight!!!
The pride….for one I being a punjabi would hate to caught talking in punjabi in office….but people here are proud of their language….They wouldn’t give it up for anything. So its bengali in offices, bengali in markets, Bengali all around. (By the way here’s sumthing which is peculiar about the lingo…there are no “a’s” only “o’s”……there are no “S” only “sh”…. Weird!!!)
The divide….extreme poverty! I thought delhi was bad….you can see the poor…mostly Bangladeshi refugees living in horrible conditions!!
The Ambassador’s…. You would be lucky if you saw any other car here….!!! And people will wonder why you didn’t buy a amby!! I wonder why this infatuation with amby….. leftism at its pinnacle I guess!!
Politics….Okay..U have to believe this coz I saw this with my very own eyes….A random person with a megaphone delivering a “speech” on “increased fuel prices” on a random corner and random people actually stopping ant listening to him…..!!

I’m sure I’ll keep unearthing more about Calcutta…..there’s so much to discover…good and bad!!

More later….Now’s not forever:-).

The Road Not Taken

2006-06-20T17:51:00.000+05:30

Here's a poem by Robert Frost that I absolutely love!!!!! Say's soo much in so few words!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
--I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference

Miraculous knowledge

2006-05-25T11:52:00.000+05:30

Albert Einstein once said….

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

I think we often tend to choose the first way. Miracle by definition is a wonder or a supernatural happening for which we have no explanations. It directly results in powerlessness…. "The inability to control”. The tendency on our part to rationalize everything is leading us to become more and more implacable. Nothing satisfies us now. We want simplified answers for everything.

I’d like to believe that earth rotating on its axis is a miracle. I’d like to believe that the cycle of seasons is a miracle. I’d like to believe that the weather systems are a miracle. I’d like to believe that the working of cell phones, TV, my car, my computer…. are all miracles. I’d like to believe that human mind is a miracle. I’d also like to believe that you and me living, existing and prospering on the face of this earth is a miracle!!

However, this is all at the cost of being labeled as ignorant or uneducated! And I’m not too sure if I want that…So I tell myself to believe that there is an answer to everything even though I might know it…. but I pretend I do!! I pretend I know why the earth revolves, why we think the way we do and why we exist! Heck …I even pretend to know how my mobile works!!

Its all about being in the circle of knowledge…. the comfort zone!!!

Talking of which…. here’s a piece of news !! I’m being pulled away from mine…(Read Delhi) and being put in a totally alien world (Read Kolkata ) ….and that all thanks to my new job!! I like to look at things positively…but I ain’t seeing too many positives coming out of this. I guess you gotta endure what you can’t cure! So Kolkata…”Here I come…and u better treat me well!!”

Obscure Realizations

2006-05-09T16:01:00.001+05:30

This is something that I had been thinking abt writing for a long time. The other day while talking to sumone I realized that the previous post gives out a sense that I did not enjoy my time as a member of the placecom. And I had to set it right. I gained a lot…a lot more than I think I was able to give back.

The earliest memories I have are those of standing outside ‘Chanakya’ for the interview in my green shirt feeling lost and wondering if it was the right thing I was doing. I was sure that I’d get in if….. IF I wanted it. I had heard a lot of stories abt it….some true, some false! The responsibility it involved, the effort it required, the time it needed. More than my capability, I was doubting my willingness. I was a totally obscure entity at IMT till then. I had chosen to be that way I guess. The only driver for me was doing it for the people I was standing up for. They deserved it…for their efforts, for their money, for their futures. Maybe they deserved better!

The initial few days were strange for me…I felt unusually out of place. It seemed that everyone knew everyone else except me! This was the ‘reward’ of obscurity. The first task was that of choosing the junior placement committee. And man was it a task….I would never forget those all nighters!! I guess I just went through the motions then, without knowing what I expected outta myself let alone the expectations of others! Am sure people were disappointed in me after that!!! I was too…! But hey..I was learning.

And learn I did…loads of things..! The bunch of people I worked with were wonderful and I learnt a lot from them….each and everyone of them were unique….! Here’s what the 6 months taught me…Let me know if u agree with them!

Don’t give in until the very end…as they say…until the fat lady sings!

Don’t ever shy away from taking tough decisions….some of which might even seem unfair at that time.

Whatever you say, you have to manage your image in a positive manner..!!

Enjoy small victories!

Always try and walk the middle path…it’s the smart thing to do even though it might appear cowardly to others.

You gotta be tough at times and you have to ‘show’ the displeasure. Else you get branded as a “softie”.

Never let personal interactions decide your professional relationships.

Always be prepared for criticism and take it constructively.

PRIORITIZE

Think big and achieve bigger!

Work hard…and be visible when you do!

If you aren’t an asset to the team, you are a liability!!

Quarantined SLOGging

2006-05-03T01:36:00.000+05:30

Life’s Weird….

The same time last year I was neck deep into my project SLOGging my a** to get it going. The SLOGging worked and my project ended fairly well. I came back to my college content and satisfied …my chip up and the head held high. I thought now’s the time when I can lie down and relax. Life had other things in store for me! Of all the twists that I’ve ever had in my life this was the biggest and I’d say the most painful.

I got into the placement committee (affectionately called the placecom). To this day I fail to understand what made me sign up for it. I thought that it was the stupidest thing that I doing…(I didn’t change my opinion until the day I got into Bharti). I had to SLOG again!! Classes, the placement trips, the calls to companies, the projects, the assignments, the late nights, (or should I say the early mornings), the ‘meetings”, the deadlines and worst of all the skyrocketing percentage…. (In the unwanted direction I might add…DOWN). I always wanted to run away from it all!

Along came December and the excitement amongst everyone grew. N I was still SLOGging…almost! 24^th of December…my first interview. I suddenly realized that I had forgotten to SLOG where it most mattered…studies!!

The company…Satyam…I was generously humiliated in the interview…ripped apart!!! I am glad I was…. coz that’s when I began to SLOG…yet again!!! (U’d think my life was a one-day international and I was in the 50^th over). Two people helped me pull through… I wouldn’t name them but I think they know who they are!! 28^th …the D-day…. that’s the last time I remember that I SLOGged…. 3 companies…3 interviews…I’m glad I got through this one…

Life after that has been an awesomely slow moving river. From the Goa trip to the classes to the projects to the exams and the convocation…. not once did I put in any efforts. As I sit here today and look at what I’ve been doing…(all those people who think I’m having a good time…read on…).

I am basically restricted to my room with TV that has nothing on ever, ever busy friends ( I don’t blame u guyssss), computer with a filthy net connection and books which I never read and nothing better to do but to lie down on my back and look our fan.

(P.s. I even caught myself trying to count the number of revolutions the fan was making a couple of days back which basically was the snapping point and it prompted me to write this…..)

4^th month of no efforts and total vellapan…! I look at this and then look back at my last year…. and wonder…what is it that I enjoy more?? N I have no answer….do u??

Ambiguity!!!

2006-04-28T12:49:00.000+05:30

As I look back the month that has gone by I realize the ambiguity of things and events around us. It seems like yesterday when I was sitting in my home about two years back, just like today, thinking what life had in store for me.....just like today!!! Today I know that I'd be working 2 months from now... but this isn't it for me...is it? I know i'll get a cool 6 L every year from now on ...but is this it for me? The ambiguity never seems to die off!

I often sit back and wonder...what is it thats taking me where I am goin? Is it my destiny...or is it the efforts. And I strongly favour luck. I agree the efforts have to be there but luck plays a very major role. I feel blessed that I have been able to live my life the way I wanted to. But I still have ambiguity surrounding me...questions and more questions.!! What happens to those who have to make compromises in life? The uncertainity then would be killing. I am blessed and i just hope that i live upto whatever I pursue.

Talking of which, I was in Srinagar this past month for almost 10 days. And man is it a place to be or what. People say that its paradise on earth. Well....I'd say thats an understatement. However, when you roam around the place there is a feeling that you get which never lets you enjoy the place the way you would want to. The people seem rather warm on the outside but I never could figure out what was going on in their minds....There's always a sense of suspision...a fear ...and a hope that u'd live to see the next day. I was there for 10 days!!! Just imagine the plight of the people who live there...who have their businesses there....thats wht you call ambiguity....and I am worried about mine!!

Here are some of teh pics ...jus to make u guys J!

Thts me...in Gulmarg. (Ht= 140000 ft)n Yeah...thts snow u see

Thats not heaven.....thts just a birds eye view of the valley at the back.

Am so glad that i ain't as fat as that tree....:D

Tulips...all kinds and varieties....Who wants to go to Holland now???

A Deep Dive

2006-03-13T19:25:00.000+05:30

I know noone's gonna have the time to read this...hehehe...but this blog is for me!!
Its a very formal way of lookin back at my life...:)
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Introduction

As I stand on the threshold of venturing into a new career, my past flashes across my mind ever so often. People say that you should let go of your past and look forward to see that your future is bright. I often wonder if that’s the right thing. Isn’t our future a function of our past? If it is, how wise would it be to let go of one’s past for future? Life is full of crests and troughs. It’s the experiences that you get in these highs and the lows, which determine your behavior-, present as well as future.

As I look back at my life, I am filled with conflicting emotions: those of joys and those of sorrows; those of achievements and those of failures. And these are emotions that I would never want to give up on. These are the emotions and the experiences that have made me, Tanuj Kapoor as I am today.

I was born in the wee hours on the 23rd of July 1981 in a military Hospital in a small town in MP called Mhow, which is close to Indore. I was the first child to my parents, Ajay and Neeta Kapoor. My father is a defense officer serving in the Indian Army since he past 35 years. My mother is a teacher as well as a homemaker. Both my parents were rather young when I was born to them, my father being 26 and my mother being 24. As such, I was always subject to many ‘experiments’ as my mother puts it. I was a very calm child ever since I was born. I weighed a healthy 4 kgs at the tie of my birth. To say that I was obese would not be an overstatement and I often blame my mother for eating too much when she was carrying. It’s all in good spirit though.

My mother and I share an excellent relationship. She knows when to be a mother and when to be a friend. She and my father have certain inherent qualities, which have in some way or the other been passed on to me as well; integrity, honesty, accountability, hard work, discipline, commitment to name a few.

A quality of mine, which my mother keeps telling me about as a child is that I was an extremely quiet baby. I dint cry or whine a lot except when I was hungry. I guess I could say that it’s true even today. I try and look at things in a positive sense rather than be all cranky about the unfavorable situations. The optimism comes from the strong belief that people are generally good and would not want to harm you unless provoked to.

Shift to Nainital

My dad being in the army, I have had the opportunity of seeing a number of places in India. I was two when we moved out of Mhow to Nainital where we stayed for about 2 years. My earliest memories are from this city where we lived in a locality with about 6-7 houses on a small hilltop. We had a decent climb to our house and I perpetually required to be carried up by someone. Living in such a small locality, brought all the families close together. Its amazing how close people can get when the need be and at other times pretend as strangers. All the people around me were very loving people and it was almost a sort of an extended family for me. In essence I had a huge house as my playground. I used to run from one house to another thinking that all of them are my own and the people there, my own.

It was 1984 when my mother had a baby girl, my sister. I was over protective about her ever since I can remember. I even asked strangers not to touch her whenever they came to our house. Till today I tend to keep a hawk’s eye over her as to what she does.

I was a major foodie. Even as a child, I used to eat a lot. Whereas the mothers of children worry that their children won’t eat what is made for them, with me my mother had to live with the fact that what she had made might fall short. I was a no fuss child, doing things, which were expected out of me most of the times. My mother had boiled an egg for me once. It had a few pieces of the outer shell, which she by mistake did not remove. While I was eating the egg, I never made my dissent felt. It was my grandmother who noticed this and did the needful. She recalls that I told her that it was good because my mother had made it.

Bombay

My dad decided that he wanted to go in for further studies and took a study leave for 2 years. He was to do his Masters in computer science. We moved to Bombay where we had our house in the IIT campus at Powai. I went to Kendriya Vidyalaya there, my first school. I still remember how lost I felt on my first day. I couldn’t mix up with the people there and had my lunch alone sitting in the class. I felt over awed by so many people around me all of a sudden coming from a small place, almost scared. I went home almost in tears and refused to go to the school next day. My mother who is the eternal optimist talked to me and told me to give it another try which I did and thankfully it worked for me. Though I didn’t make any super good friends, however I was happier from then on. Maybe it was the fact that I knew that I had my mother would always be there to lend an ear to me.

Bombay was a major learning experience to me. It taught me a lot of things. I first came to know what stage fright was in Bombay. It was a fancy dress competition where I was to dress up like an Arab and mouth a few lines on the stage. There were people all around me. Faces, which were familiar, yet seemed so different. I could see everything but familiarity as I walked onto that stage. As I looked at the people, I felt a rush of emotions. Tears trickled down my cheeks and realization dawned that I didn’t remember what I wanted to speak. As I stumbled and stuttered I heard people laugh. I rushed down and strangely enough stopped crying then. I am sure my mother wasn’t exactly proud of me then but she did treat me to an ice cream. I guess that was the genesis of my fear of public speaking, which I am still trying to overcome.

I also learnt another major lesson, which has stuck by me ever sense. And that is to always obey and respect my parents. It was a sultry july afternoon and my mother asked me to sleep. But I wanted to go down and watch the people play this cricket match. I sneaked out later and went down. Luckily our servant saw this and followed me. As I was walking on the field, out of the blue, a cricket ball came and hit me right above my eye. I started to bleed profusely through my nose. My servant carried me back up and when I was sitting with an ice pack my mother said something, which I still remember. She said that “ Now you will learn to obey and respect what elders say.” I still do!

We moved back to how in 1987 when I joined the army school in my class 2. Even though we had a rather strict disciplinarian atmosphere at home, the time when I was punished for trying to run away and miss the assembly in class 3 stays with me. Ms. Asha Sharma, our class teacher saw me and my friends try to runoff and held us post the class till such a time that we missed our bus.

Post that incident I had this deep-rooted fear as far as Mrs. Sharma goes. I think she was the first and the only teacher that I was scared of in the true sense of the word.

Mhow is a typical military setup with the majority of the population being from the defense background and only a few civilians. Being so I managed to make quite a number of friends who were like-minded. This was the place that I learnt to swim for the first time. I was in my 2nd standard when I learnt to swim and I felt a big sense of achievement, I still do. I used to come back home and share with everyone as to how many laps I did. Once we friends knew how to swim, the next logical step was to jump off the diving boards. So there we were jumping off merrily. The one-meter board was a piece of cake. 3 meters was a lil difficult especially when you look down but I managed it. The 5-meter was a platform and I was scared to pieces looking down but I managed to jump. The last hurdle was the 10-meter platform. My legs were shaking even as I was climbing to the top. I stood and watched all my friends jump without even wincing one after the other until I was the only one left. I looked down and could see tiny people shouting after the thrill. I couldn’t even hear what they were shouting. I had my head spinning as I looked down. I decided that it was worthless risking my life so I started to walk back when I heard someone shout “Chicken!” followed by a huge roar of laughter. In a rage I ran towards the edge and jumped off! I landed a little awkwardly and was in a bit of pain for a few minutes but the sense of accomplishment far overcame any other feeling. That’s the instant when I realized that I could do almost anything that I put my heart and mind to. I guess that has to be one of the prouder days of my life. I had conquered heights, my biggest fear.

It was in Mhow that we decided to get a pet. Dinky was the cutest looking pom pup to walk on this planet. We got her when she was barely a month old. I was initially apprehensive about her but seeing her for the first time I was sure that this would be it. My sister and me treated her almost like a baby. She was the darling of the family. Her presence taught me the importance of caring.

Days passed and I became more and more comfortable and used to the things around me. One of my good friends out there was Vikram. He and I were neighbors - almost the same age. He had an unfortunate accident had fractured his hand and a huge plaster on for about a month or so. We spent quite a lot of time together then. The time you spend together the better you get to know the other persona and the more chances that you’ll start to know the other person a little too well. That’s the same thing that probably happened. WE started to fight very often. They were always verbal altercations. However, that never affected our friendship. I have never been one to be involved in fights or brawls. I prefer to stay non controversial and can’t recall more than 2-3 instances when I have actually been involved in a physical spat. The first one was about to happen. One afternoon, my mother was coming back from her school, where she taught, to see Vikram trying to hit me with his one working hand and me instead of fighting back trying to avoid him. She intervened and took me home. She recalls telling me that I should have fought back and not acted as meek as I did. I was twice his size in all respects and it would have been a cakewalk for me. I had replied with something that she still can’t forget and relates the incident with pride to almost all. I had said that Vikram was a friend and his one hand was injured and that I didn’t want him to hurt his other one as well. As I spoke I had tears in my eyes. Even today I believe that there is no conflict that can’t be solved by talking it out. Violence always leads to a solution, which is temporary. It’ll be a matter of time when the loser re gathers and attacks again and the circle would continue.

Mhow was the place where I learnt to ride my bicycle too. Once I did, it was almost impossible for people to get me off it. I started to ignore other things for it. One evening, I was getting ready to go out on my bike. I noticed that my father was in the room trying to settle a few things. He brought a book to me and asked what should we do with that book. I didn’t even look at it and said “Throw it!”. It was almost rude that way I spoke. My father got real angry and slapped me for the first time. And the only time I remember. I started bleeding through my nose, which took a while to stop, but while there was hyperactivity going around me, I could only hear my father say “ Papa will never hit you again!” and he almost had tears in his eyes too. I realized something then and will always try to remember it. I promised myself that I’ll never let my parents ever feel sorry for anything.

As I got more and more comfortable with people and situation around me, the inevitable happened again. My father was posted and we had to move to Jammu. A new place again, strangers around me, no friends and there started again a quest for me for social acceptability; yet again.

Jammu

I went to a school that was almost 50 kms away from my home at Jammu. It was one of the best-known schools there. Nagbani taught me a lot of things. It instilled in me the importance of praying regularly. It taught me what responsibility is. It taught me the meaning of commitment and dedication to work. The faculty, the staff and the students were all sources of inspiration. I never felt not cared for out there.

This was at the time of heightened tension in the region. I can remember a lot of incidents when we would be told early in the morning that due to certain disturbances in the city there’s a curfew clamped and that the school would be closed. There was never a sense of fear. Once this happened while we were coming back from school. We had to return to school and stayed till late evening.

For the first time in my life I was in a school, which was full of smart people, and I was just another performer there. From being a rank holder in other schools to an also ran in this one. The adjustment was tough and the first year was really bad for me. I understood that things in life would not come that easy and that needed to put in much more effort. I needed to be committed to whatever I did.

Suratgarh

Things moved on. A year on I was in Suratgarh. A small town once again. There were just 2 schools in the town. Kendriya Vidyalaya, Air Force was a school that I’ll always remember. This is the school where I first saw XYZ (name withheld;)). She was a classmate and I had a major crush on her. Though I never could confess anything to her, I guess I was a little too immature to do that; we were excellent friends all the same. I still remember the initial days when I thought that she was very arrogant and wouldn’t talk to a person like me. She was this beautiful, fair, light eyed beauty that every guy dreams of. Once I got to know her I realized how false the first perceptions could be. She was the sweetest girl, down to earth and extremely easy to talk to.

Suratgarh was the place where I saw cable TV for the first time. I still remember we were all excited at the launch that we had a party and watched TV together at the Army mess as that was the only TV connection around. It now seems like such a small thing but I still remember the excitement and the buzz that was around then. I always believe that it is the small things, which bring the maximum happiness in your day-to-day life. I still remember the smile on everyone’s face as the TV started to play.

I had a wonderful group of friends. Charu, Kiran, Srikant and me were real close friends. We would wake up together, go on walks together, go to school together, play together and even often sleep together. Of all the friends that I’ve left in different places, the three of them are the people I miss the most. This is when I realized what real friends are. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to keep in touch with them but the memories of the times we spent together will stick to me always. I miss you guys!

I have traveled a lot around this country. Looking back, there are a few regrets that I harbor. I probably don’t have friends who are your best buds since your childhood; however, there are very important lessons that I have learnt which I guess few learn. It has helped me to realize that people are different and that they behave differently at different times and at different places. I recognize these differences. I also learnt to let go. Often this is the most difficult thing to do. People tend to hold on to things that are no longer in their control It is best to let go then. I’ve made friends and I’ve lost friends but biggest strength that I’ve developed over time is the confidence that I will be able to adjust to any situation, place or surroundings that I am made to face.

We moved out of Suratgarh in 1992 to Bathinda. It is this point that I think I took my first steps out of my childhood.

Bathinda

This was the life changing moment for me. I came into bathida as this happy go lucky child and came out a polished person. A lot of life changing incidents took place in the next two years. I joined St. Joseph’s convent where, my mother was a teacher too. I made a few really good friends here as well and started to open up. I stood for the elections for the House Captain for the first time. Even though I didn’t win, the experience was something that I will remember always. I also started to take tuitions for the first time in life.

WE used to live in the cantonment, which was a good 10 kms from the main city where I used to have my tuition classes. The Classes were usually early in the morning around 6 am before school. I used to go on my moped early in the morning usually around 5.30 am. I used to go attend my school post the tuition and then come back home after that. It was a very difficult phase ofd my life but it paid off when I scored decently well in my boards.

Bathinda was also the place where I lost my grandmother. Early one morning when everyone was asleep, she woke me up complaining that she was having trouble breathing. She had a weak heart. My father took her to the hospital and the doctor observed her. It was time for me to leave for my tuitions. This is when I received a call from my father asking me to bring some of the earlier medical reports of my grandmother and drop them off at the hospital before going for my tuitions. I took them to the hospital where I saw her on the bed with an oxygen mask on her. I still remember her looking at me and raising her hand as though blessing me. That’s when I walked out with tears in my eyes. I don’t know why I started to cry but I think it was the realization that I might not see her again. Its was to be true. She left us that very day. I am still sure though that she still looks after me sitting up there in heaven.

Post my exams I decided to go for a vacation with my cousin. We went to the north east and I had to come back alone a little early. The train back was delayed mid way due to an accident and was almost 30 hrs late. I was alone in the second class traveling alone for the first time with nothing with me to eat. Having survived those 30 hours without much problem gave me tremendous amount of confidence.. I was all of 15 then.

Delhi

I had to leave Bathinda as well in a couple of years’ time. We came to Delhi. It was the biggest culture shock of my life. Coming from a small town culture, Delhi was an eye opener for me. I did not see myself fitting in here. I hated myself for coming here.
It was decided that I should take up engineering after class 12 for which I had to start preparation. I gave a few entrances for these coaching institutes but could not clear any. Often you don’t succeed in things that you are not convinced about.

I was scared reading in the newspapers about ragging. I decided to go to a small school hoping that I would not be ragged there. I had a very good set o people around me in school. However, with noone from the opposite sex around, I got a little reserved especially as far as the other sex goes. Today, when I do look back at the way things turned out, I can’t help but feel that it was in fact a wrong decision taken by me. Often my reserved nature was manifested in form of respect for the opposite sex and was socially appreciated. This appreciation reinforced the same and led me to be accidentally left as the guy with the goody goody image, which I have to try hard to live up to.

The 12th class was a roller coaster ride for me. Till the pre board exams I was doing very badly in most of the exams except in English, which I used to usually top in. I even failed in chemistry in my pre boards. One of my cousins, Chetan used t live with us then. When he got to know this he actually sat with me and made me the importance of the boards. I understood it and worked hard to get good results in my exams, which I did and I can’t, thanks Chetan bhaiya enough for his right intervention at the right time.

Having changed so many schools over my 12 years , the one major thing that I have managed to learn is the fact that I can now adjust to any situation I am faced with.

After my class 12 I was confused as to what I wanted to do. I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t get into an engineering college with the kind of preparation I had. I wanted to get into the best of the college. I was clear in my mind that whatever I did as my graduation had to be from a college of repute. This was the worst period of my life with none of the good colleges taking me in and I not wanting to compromise on the same. I then realized that it is often wise to understand your limitations and look at the next best alternative and not let your ego rule you.

Upon the realization that probably engineering was not for me I started to look at other courses and got through Hotel Management at one of the most prestigious college in India, IHM, Pusa. The decision turned out to be an excellent one. It added to my confidence and reinforced my faith that I can survive alone irrespective of how opposite the situation might be. We also had a 6 month training as a part of the course which I did at The Park, New Delhi. These 6 months were very difficult. I had to work at the ground level, often up to 16 hrs a day. It made me understand the dignity of workers and the efforts they put in every day which go unnoticed and that too with a smile on their faces whatever be the situation in their lives at the personal level.

I tend to analyze things and think about what I did, how I did it and why I did it. This often leads to realization of how I could have done it better thus helping me to improve upon the ways I function.

One such analysis led to me to realize that hotels were not the right place for me. This realization dawned during the 6 moths of my training. I realized that the efforts to reward ratio at the hotels were not equitable. I wouldn’t mince words in saying that Money is important for me and hence a mere job satisfaction isn’t enough for me. In fact, in my case satisfaction of my job is also a function of the remuneration I will get.

GECIS

While I was preparing for CAT, I decided to pick up a job. I got into GE capital International Services. It was here that I learnt the importance of honest performance. It is essential that you learn whatever you have to work on to its entirety and with seriousness. I have seen people who are not serious about their work end up languishing at the very bottom of the pack and that’s not a very comfortable place.

GECIS gave me opportunities to rediscover myself. I understood myself better. I realized that I could adjust very well to situations around me. I realized that I was a very politically correct person, a quality that is very essential when you are working. It is also very essential to be seen as someone who is very approachable. People may call it manipulating your behavior, but having worked for almost a year and half, it is essential that it be done to be seen as someone who is a very non controversial. And once you start to behave in this manner, the same starts to get reinforced and you repeat the behavior till it becomes your second nature.

It is also very essential to grab opportunities that come your way even though they might mean doing that little bit extra. It is by means of this that you can prove your worth. I made sure that I did a lot more than what my responsibility was b taking up projects which involved process improvement. I ended up being among the top performer for the process, was awarded the passion for customer award and received the highest performance bonus. These are the proudest achievements of my life. But just the fact that I was able to do all this in my very first job makes me prouder still.

Even today whenever I give a call to people from my workplace, the warmth with which they talk is wonderful. I always end up realizing what a wonderful bunch of people I worked with.

IMT

I gave my exam in December and the interview in February and was almost confident that I would get a call from IMT. Leaving GECIS and joining IMT was one of the toughest decisions that I have had to make in my entire life especially with the fact that I was doing very well at GECIS.

Letting go my job at GECIS was made easier by a lot of my friends whom I talked to supporting me in moving out. I was very apprehensive about getting back to studies and worried if I would be able to do it. I still am amazed how I managed to do this. I have already talked about letting things go in life when they reach a certain point of maturity. This was the point when I actually felt the pinch of letting something go which really mattered to me. However, I did let it go and I am glad that I did.

I joined IMT on the 16th of August in 2004. The initial few days were strange where I started to question my decision of leaving GECIS. I realized that the people around me were all very smart and it wasn’t going to be easy to outperform them. That’s when I adjusted and concentrated on improving myself rather than outperforming. I started using this experience to improve the way I communicate and my general demeanor.

The two months at Torrent Pharmaceuticals taught me a lot too. The stint over there emphasized the fact that you can enjoy as much as you want to but for quality output hard work is extremely essential. My project guide, Mr Ravindra Dhapola was someone who expected us to question. Question and find the answers ourselves. He was always there to help but he instilled in me the quality of questioning and not taking things as they are.

Over the past two years, I see myself a changed person. From being one of the last people to get selected for the summer training to being one of the first people to get a job on the final placement day, I see myself as having come a long way. I was in the placement committee for a period of 6 months and the amount of interaction I had with people during this time was just mind boggling. I often felt like giving up as my studies were taking a back seat. However, the support of my friends helped me carry on. I do give a lot of credit to my perseverance as well but a lot of it goes to the confidence my friends had in me. I’ve made some wonderful friends around here and I can only hope that I do not have to let go of them.

Having said that I believe strongly that whatever happens contributes in teaching me something and helping me become a little better, a process that can never end. Incidents happen in life, it is essential that you isolate them and learn from them. That’s what I have been doing and that’s what I plan to do.

Better man

2005-12-15T14:45:00.000+05:30

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been told
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around
Send someone to love me

I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer

Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame

I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man

-Robbie WIlliams
( I just love this song. Tell me your favourites too..... )

Men's Rules (that women should know)

2005-11-27T17:24:00.000+05:30

I found his hillariously true....

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.[
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Irritating entertainment

2005-11-15T03:30:00.000+05:30

Well...since I'm in a bad mood, I'm allowed to whine

Have u ever realized how irritating it is talking to people who you know are gonna go bitch about whatever u sa behind ur back?? N what about those who are spoilsports......the nerdy book worms...who score straight A's and you end up wondering why cant i remember what they an....

Oh ye's, people who cant use apostrophe's in the right place's like thi's. oR peOpLe wHo tALk LikE tHiS aS wEll. eXCepT tHeY gO ovErBoaRd aND i aM lEFt wINcinG aNd gRIndiNG mY tEEth. Wow that took so long to type I wonder why people even bother doing it. Get a clue people...it's not cool...it gives your reader a headache and it takes so fricking long to type.

And what the FUCK's with FUCKIN people FUCKIN punctuating their FUCKING sentences with FUCK like every FUCKING second FUCKING word?? It's so lame!! Yes we know you have a very limited vocabulary, and fuck happens to be a versatile word.

What about those who spell it all wrong! Gramatically incorrect but yet insist on talking in english.....urghhh....Hindi's there for u guys....

Neways..this is going nowhere so i betta stop....I know this was a stoopid blog....Ummm....u cud add to the list though....what kinda people around u do u hate......??

(inspired by a blog i read recently):D

Jai Hind

2005-10-30T01:51:00.000+05:30

Hey you guys....

A Nightmare of a day finally draws to an end reminding us yet again that come what may....life's not gonna stop....and also highlighting the futility of the worthless efforts, time, money and brains that these people from across the border spend to create panic amongst us. I dont know if I should laugh at them of if I should feel angry....!!

I hope that realisation dawns on them that the resources that they spent on planning these attacks would have been far better utilized on the rescue efforts of the quake hit parts.......the so called "AZAD kashmir" that these buggers claim to be fighting for.

Talking of which I strongly believe that this quake was a warning to these people to stop with their ghastly and cowardly acts....I'm sure they'll meet their fate sooner or later if they dont stop.

These blasts only go to show the frustrations of these cowards...after loosing to our forces on all fronts in Kashmir they are turning to the innocent civilians hoping to disrupt the peace.....Would they succeed??? ABSOLUTELY NOT.......We are proud of our country and what it stands for. No other country in the world is as diverse....geographically, socially, intellectually.....u think of it and we have it.

Finally a message for the cowards..... "Never undermine us and be ready for wht the future holds for you....and dont complain that you weren't warned.!!"

These lyrics echo in my mind as I end.....

" Kandhon Se Milte Hain Kandhe,
Qadmon Se Qadam Milte Hain
Ham Chalte Hain Jab Aise To,
Dil Dushman Ke Hilte Hain

Ab To Hamein Aage Badhte Hai Rahna
Ab To Hamein Saathi Hai Bas Itna Hi Kahna
Ab Jo Bhi Ho, Shola Banke Patthar Hai Pighlana
Ab Jo Bhi Ho, Baadal Banke Parbat Par Hai Chhaana"

To India....." Lets learn from this...lets get stronger....lets move on....and lets crush 'em..."

JAI HIND

Good times are here......

2005-10-27T02:12:00.000+05:30

Hey peeps....

Writing in after a long time. Life's such a mystery....its got troughs for u and right when u think that ur down in the dumps, comes a wave and takes u right to the crest.....the crest where u forget everything, where there's elation.....where there's joy.....!!

I was almost down and out the last time i wrote in....the feeling of worthlessness was topping the lists.... n then came a shot in the arm....the college sends me to a trip...down south. I was in chennai n hyderabad.....n it was loads of fun.....I wish those times come back......!!I almost forgot that i had a life beyond there...... I used to sit by the beach and just gaze at it for hrs together.....Of course there was work as well...;)! Man it was heaven...away from everything, away from tensions....:)

Am not even sure when the times are gonna return....but i'm already looking forward....U guys wanna join me next time...;)???

I am Humanity

2005-10-08T03:23:00.000+05:30

I Am

I am the sun and moon.

I am the air and sea.

I am the glory of God,

and the decadence of Satan.

I am the power of the universe,

and the fragility of life.

I am the flesh that gives form,

and the thought that gives substance.

I am the beauty of love eternal,

and the filth of hatred everlasting.

I am the divinity of birth,

and the repugnance of death.

I am the embodiment of pleasure,

and the exquisiteness of pain.

I am all that has been,

and all that will ever be.

I am deityI am humanity

I am

Music... MY REFUGE

2005-10-03T02:31:00.000+05:30

They say "Music is the universal language of mankind"....I recently laid my hands on this album by "Jal"....its an awesome album!! U gotta hear it to believe it...I'm in love with it. The music in the album flows like "Jal" ...awesome guitaring...awesomer vocals!!! U gotta hear this out...

U probabaly would have hear the "Woh Lamhe" track often...its these guys who came up with it. N trust me wen i say that "woh lamhe" is nothin compared to the other tracks.

Jal's sound primarily falls in the pop/soft rock genre....much on the lines of Junoon but much more internationalized. Its an album with a difference!! U gotta hear it!

Its a pakistani band. Gohar Mumtaz, Shazi and Atif make up the band. The first recorded song "aadat" is something to die for.....n the best part is u can download the songs for free from their official website. Try it...

http://www.jaltheband.com/website/multi.htm

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end...........................what say you??

I wish i was better than I am!

2005-09-29T19:47:00.000+05:30

I never thought that there would be people reading up my blog. This is a major major surprise to me...Thanks Ashi, kanz and pandy...u guys inspire me:) Atleast as far as blogging goes....!! I kinda promise to be a lil more regular with this....hehehe

Okie...hmmm.. so here we go....life's been a roller coaster of late. I've seen the best of moments and the worst of them. I wonder why it has to be this way!! Why can't we just have a simple n a steady flow?? Friends i thought were worthless have been real wonderful to me during this time and friends i thought i could bank upon have deserted me.....It reiterates my belief that its useless to judge people. Another voice tells me that .."Tanuj...us human after all and ur gonna learn only from the mistakes u make!!" I hate making mistakes though..... I wish i was better that i am....!

IT WILL COME

2005-07-26T03:42:00.000+05:30

When life's largest pressures leave you struck dumb, Just search for an answer; the solution will come.
When a tragedy occurs leaving you feeling numb, Just wait for your health; the strength will come.
When everyone relies on you and there is no way you can see, Trust your mind to think with time; patience is the key.
When you have made it where others always flee, Just wait to gather courage; soon you'll be where you want to be.
When it is nearing the end and you're in need, Muster up your courage; endurance will lead. IT WILL COME